


Self Deception

by LAG0802



Category: NCIS
Genre: F/F, Gay Bashing, Kidnapping, M/M, Murder, Rape, Slash, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-11
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-08-21 19:37:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 42,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8257978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LAG0802/pseuds/LAG0802
Summary: Summary: Takes place after Artful Dodger, Tony is reeling from his fathers visit and Gibbs constant dismissal. Tony considers his place on the team, when Gibbs and Tim are pulled away on case, a cold-case takes Tony places he never imagined and he is not sure he can survive. Will Gibbs and the team get to him on time and will Gibbs finally be able to tell him why he was pushing Tony away or is it to late. A/U, no Zoe, Swearing, rape, assault, murder, kidnapping, hurt, comfort.





	1. Chapter One:

**Author's Note:**

> I started this story after Artful Dodger and at times it was hard to find the words. This story is complete at about 40,000, the last few chapters still need a final edit but after a year and half of writing its to start sharing. 
> 
> I apologize for any errors, I don't use a beta and even after proofreading numerous times, I always seem to miss a few. Also my wife has been kind enough to re-read and point out errors as this story was written. 
> 
> for this looking for TIVA, I don't write TIVA as I prefer TIBBS.
> 
> Thank you all ahead of time for taking the time to read. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I write only for fun, there is no monetary gain from this story and I have no affiliations with CBS or NCIS.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Takes place after Artful Dodger, Tony is reeling from his fathers visit and Gibbs constant dismissal. Tony considers his place on the team, when Gibbs and Tim are pulled away on case, a cold-case takes Tony places he never imagined and he is not sure he can survive. Will Gibbs and the team get to him on time and will Gibbs finally be able to tell him why he was pushing Tony away or is it to late. A/U, no Zoe, Swearing, rape, assault, murder, kidnapping, hurt, comfort.

Self Deception 

 

Story takes place after The Artful Dodger: S12E17 aired March 10, 2015, references Cadence: S12 E14 aired 2/10/15 and earlier episodes 

 

Chapter One:

Tony accompanied his father out and loaded his luggage into the waiting taxi. Standing in the cold night air, Tony watched as the taxi pull away. Shaking his head, he wondered if his father really thought he had bought all the bull, about being an entrepreneur. No matter what you called him, Anthony DiNozzo, Sr. was a con man. His premise was; if he believed in the projects he became involved with than he was an entrepreneur. Tony knew this was crap; his father only cared about the profit. It wasn’t as if Senior got involved in projects that actually benefited people or anything for that matter, except him self and the investors. Heading back in, he took a quick shower, put on sweats, and sat on the sofa. Every time he had to deal with his father he was left feeling out of balance, this time was no different, if anything he felt worse. 

Thinking back to what Senior had said, as they stood by the door saying good-bye, Tony felt the anger build inside him. Senior wanted him to be proud, proud of the man his father was, wanted him to look at him with love and respect, but nowhere in the conversation did Senior say I love you, at no time did he say he was proud of his son, if anything he had been very quick to introduce Tim as his offspring and had made up a profession that he found more acceptable than a cop, turned Special Agent.

Leaning back, Tony thought; the years with little or no contact with his father had been easier, heck he still didn’t list his father as his emergency contact. For years his father had been unreachable, when he was in the hospital with the plague, Kate in an attempt to help had tried to reach his father, the man never called back or checked to see how his son was doing, just had his secretary send flowers. He’d come to accept his father's absence, expecting nothing from the man. Maybe it was Senior’s advancing years, his sense of his own mortality or maybe because chasing deals was no longer easy; for whatever reason, Senior now waltzed in and out whenever it suited him and Tony was supposed to be happy and welcoming. 

His father manipulated his feelings, his desire for a better relationship and in the end Tony was left feeling empty both emotionally and financially as Senior always took what he wanted and gave nothing back in return. Even harder was that at each visit, Senior charmed his co-workers; leaving them thinking Tony was an ungrateful son, as they went out of their way to accommodate the Senior DiNozzo. 

Standing, Tony walked to the bookcase and grabbed the framed picture of himself with his mother. Taken a year before she died it was one of the few pictures he had of the two of them. She had been a beautiful woman, with flowing brown hair and green eyes. When she smiled, it was as if the room was lite with sunshine, unfortunately those moments had been far too rare. Holding the picture in one hand he traced her face with his finger, his vision blurring with unshed tears.

He would never forget the night she died. He had been left with her in the hospital, his father off somewhere closing another deal. When Senior came back several days later it was to bury his wife, not comfort a grieving child. Tony remembered, several weeks after her death, Senior found him crying, curled up in a ball under his mother’s piano, hugging sheets of music. Senior hauled him out by his arm, in a quiet, menacing tone he reminded Tony that he was a DiNozzo and DiNozzo’s don’t cry. Without another word, Senior snatched the sheet music, grabbed his hand, dragged him to the back patio and made him watch as each sheet was burned. On that day what was left of his childhood died. 

For the next four years, he had a series of Nannies, Stepmothers and disastrous trips. In Hawaii, Senior left him alone in a hotel for three days, he never found out what had been so important. At age 12, he was disowned and sent off to boarding schools and summer camps. He rarely saw his father, spending holidays at school or with classmates. His father paid the tuition and sent a small allowance, until Tony turned 18, then he was on his own. 

Still standing, holding the picture in his hands, he wondered what would have been different if his mother had not died so young. She was not the most nurturing of parents but they had felt like a family when she was alive, at least when she wasn’t drinking. She had given him some precious gifts: his love of music, especially the piano and his love of movies. At the piano and at the theater she was happy, attentive and loving, those moments belonged to just the two of them; maybe this was why he could not play for others. Closing his eyes he could feel himself sitting next to her at the piano, taking his little hand, too small to reach across the keys in hers. With long slender fingers, she showed him how to play the notes and with quiet patience taught him to read the music. 

The woman, who spent time with him at the piano and at the movies was his Mom, at those times he could call her Mummy, in keeping with her English upbringing, she would laugh with him, hug him and give him warm kisses. He would pray each night that this was the mother he would wake too. At other times, she was distant and cold, treating him like a possession to show off, dressing him in little sailor suits and he would need to address her by the more formal ‘Mother’. To survive he learned to read her moods, he knew when she welcomed his presence and when he needed to stay out of her way. Reading people was a skill he carried into adulthood. Wiping a stray tear from his eyes, he gently placed the framed photo back on the shelf, over the years he tried to focus on the good times with her, having long forgiven her for not always being the mother he wanted or needed. 

His relationship with his father was more complicated, as they had years of hurt and neglect to overcome, with only a few good memories to link them. At this moment he was not sure what he wanted from the relationship. Tony felt conflicted, he did love his father, but he did not like him very much and he was not proud of him.

Heading to the kitchen he grabbed a cold beer and went back to sit on the sofa, taking a long draw from the bottle, he placed it on a coaster. Leaning back, he wondered why his team, including Gibbs were so willing to let Senior in. 

On this last case, the team started the meeting with his father without him. When he had walked into the conference room he was shocked to find his father sitting at the head of the table, surrounded by items taken from his desk. Gibbs, Tim and Ellie sat around Senior, as if he was leading the meeting. 

He could not believe it when Gibbs agreed to send Senior off with Tim. When had Gibbs ever let an untrained outsider be part of an undercover mission, an elderly untrained man at that? It was one thing to let Ducky go, while Ducky never said so exactly, not all the “operations” he had been part of, took place in a surgical suite. The meeting had broken up shortly after he arrived and they had not even taken the time to give him a full update. Tim smirked, as he walked out, telling him all the assignments had been handed out. 

Tony had gathered his things and headed back to his desk, while he waited for his “assignment” if Gibbs even remembered to include him. Jimmy Palmer still on paternity leave, stopped to visit. Clearly in love with his baby girl, he told Tony how worried he’d been as she experienced her first illness. Hoping that at least Jimmy would understand, Tony told him about his father’s most recent visit. As their friendship evolved over the years, Jimmy was one of the few who knew some of the details of Tony’s childhood. Maybe Jimmy was now more empathic to Senior because he was a new dad, but it felt as if Senior won again, as Jimmy, in essence told him to cut his father some slack. 

Tony did not even know how to respond. Poor, misunderstood Anthony DiNozzo Sr. still grieving the loss of his beloved wife, left alone with a difficult 8-year, it wasn’t his fault he could not spend time with his son; he had to work to provide for his only child. It wasn’t his fault; he had to ship his son off to boarding schools and summer camps, because he could not get along with the growing string of ever-younger stepmothers. It wasn’t his fault that sometimes he had to use corporal punishment, maybe a belt was over the top by today’s standards but it was acceptable in the 1970’s. What was he to do, when Tony destroyed his property, using a very expensive ski suit as a Halloween costume? Hell even to this day, his Boss had to give him a smack on the back of the head to stay focused. 

No, it was never Senior’s fault. Tony was a messed up kid, no wonder his father would rather pretend that Tim was his son. Would rather tell his friends and acquaintances that his son was a catalog model, because being in law enforcement was not prestigious or glamorous enough. But, Tony was supposed to introduce his father with pride, when his father could not accept who he was, had never shown any pride in him. 

It was a shame that Coach Tanner, a man that had been in his life for just a year at Remington Military Academy, had thought more of him than his own father, had seen potential in him and had been able to express his feelings, telling Tony that he was proud of the man he’d become, while his father could not.

Sighing, Tony took another sip of his beer, he was tired but as wound up as he was right now, he’d never be able to sleep. Changing clothes, he went out for a run. With the onset of middle age, his weight had crept up. Dr. Brad Pitt, who had saved his life when he had the plague, warned him that his scarred lungs could not take the added weight. Concerned, that his status as a field agent could be in jeopardy, he started working out again. The result was a 45lb weight loss, his stamina increased and he actually enjoyed running again. When time allowed, Brad would join him and together they had trained for and completed a triathlon last summer. Brad as fate would have it, had not only played football against him in college, but was the one who broke his leg in the game that ended his chance of going pro. 

Participating in the triathlon was a boost to his damaged ego; he'd taken vacation time and none of his co-workers had an inkling. As they crossed the finish line, the only one there to cheer them on was Brad's wife, Emma. Emma had been his nurse at Bethesda, while he recovered from the plague. Brad and Emma married a year later.

Running also let him relax and gave him an outlet for the ongoing stress of the job, in particular the change in his relationship with Gibbs. Hard as he tried, he could not figure out what he had done too piss off the man. Once he thought they were friends, he really did not want to think about his real feelings but now it really didn't make any difference, Gibbs always avoided him and when he addressed him it was always terse. 

Senior staying with Gibbs this visit had been a mistake, he was sure Gibbs would find a way to punish him for that. He’d been surprised that Gibbs had even let Senior stay but then had promptly kicked them both out, obviously annoyed that he had been dragged into the middle of the DiNozzo drama. 

It also bothered him that his private life and work life had intersected too often of late. Tim would be surprised but he really was a very private person. With his father involved in this latest case, Gibbs had used his personal life to weave the code word ‘precious’ into the meeting at the Adam’s House, with Tim, Bishop and the backup team listening. Maybe, Gibbs was trying to get his father to understand, but he did not need to make it public. It bothered Tony that everyone felt they had a right to meddle in his relationship with his father. In reality there was no one in his life that made him feel wanted or precious and Gibbs and Senior were at the top of that list. 

It wasn’t just this incident; the universe was playing jokes on him or maybe it was just bad karma but just a month earlier they had end up with a case that involved Remington Military Academy in Rhode Island, the last military boarding school he had attended. Gibbs showed little concern for his feelings, sending him to Rhode Island. He tried to explain that he needed time to wrap his head around going back; Gibbs, calling him Skippy in a sarcastic tone, told him he would have the ride up to pull it together. Gibbs could have gotten a team from the Newport office to conduct the interviews at RMA, but Gibbs insisted he make the 8-hour drive with Bishop. The whole freaking trip was a nightmare, except connecting with an old classmate. RMA was a part of his life he thought deeply buried, all of this was too much and it left him feeling exposed and vulnerable. 

Luckily, Ellie Bishop was astute enough to see how hard this was for him. She had not used what she found to tease him but rather tried to get him to see he had nothing to be ashamed of, that he was a good person. 

Unfortunately, by the age of 17 he had already internalized all the negative things said about him by his father and teachers, he had felt alone and abandoned. His father disowning him, getting kicked out of one boarding school after another, being told he would never amount to anything and would end up the gutter; those were the feeling he still carried deep inside. He used humor and pranks to keep anyone from looking too closely. If they thought he was a shallow womanizer they would not look any deeper, but he hoped that after working with Gibbs and the team for years, they would have taken the time to get to known him better.

There was a time when he thought Gibbs could see the real Tony behind the mask, maybe the years of deception and distrust that had infiltrated the team over the past decade had changed Gibbs opinion of him, made it hard for the team to accept him any other way. 

Ellie was a welcome addition. With a fresh eye, not jaded by the past, she treated him with respect and he enjoyed their playful bantering but what Tony really longed for was the relationship he once had with Gibbs. 

The Gibbs who would take him in when his heat was out, the Gibbs that let him sit on the basement step for hours without ever a word spoken between them, yet he would leave feeling as if he had worked out, whatever issues had been bothering him. He would keep working for the man as long as he was wanted, he would always have his six, but Tony knew he had been replaced as heir to the throne. 

At 45, he had now been at NCIS for about 14 years, working with Gibbs as a two-man team for the first 2 years. His career had become stagnant. He should have had his own team a long time ago. Director Shepard offered him a team lead in Rota, Spain, but he turned it down, the timing was not right, worried that Gibbs still had some gaps in his memory after getting seriously injured in that explosion, loosing all memories of the last 15 years and running off for four months to Mexico. No, leaving had not been an option, someone had to lookout for the Boss. 

Director Vance never made a similar offer but he did allow SecNav to use him for a secretive mission during that the whole mess with E.J. Barrett and Cage. He was also willing to leave him hanging after the whole Rivkin affair.

Rivkin was Mossad Kidon working illegally in the United States. Rivkin killed an FBI agent and he was the one to ‘take one for the team’. No one, not even Gibbs had bothered to stand up for him, letting them drag him off to Israel, after several days without sleep, his arm broken and his body covered in bruises from his fight with the Mossad operative. In Israel, they let Eli David question him alone, no support or legal representation. Luckily he had bested Eli and gotten him to admit that Rivkin was working under orders. Ziva only added to his injuries when she knocked him down and stuck a gun in his chest. He had not bothered reporting her; neither Gibbs nor Vance would have believed him or they would have made excuses for her. When he returned home, Ducky scolded him for being careless, as his broken arm had to be reset. Tim and Abby blamed him for Ziva staying in Israel, how quickly they overlooked her passing on information to her father and hiding a Mossad operative in the US illegally. 

Running around the last corner, he headed back to his apartment. Tony wondered how things could have gotten so messed up, as a young police officer he had shown promise, becoming one of the youngest detectives in Baltimore, PD history. The move to NCIS was supposed to be a step up in the career ladder, but in reality it became a step to nowhere. Maybe it was time to explore something else, he had enough years in to take early retirement, he could transfer to another office or even another agency. 

Who was he kidding, his time was past, if he applied for another job, they would wonder why he had been in the same position for so many years, they would question his ambition. At one time, his skill in undercover work would have been coveted, but that was for a younger man, he was now too old to be credible in most of the cases they investigated and he did not have the heart and desire to be undercover for months at a time. After Jeanne Benoit, he could not do that again. 

Letting himself into his apartment, he grabbed a quick shower and tried to get a few hours of sleep. After, tossing and turning he gave up about 4:30, getting dressed, he headed to the Navy Yard, even stopping at the coffee shop to pick up breakfast for the team he was in by 5:30.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two:

Exiting the elevator he found Gibbs and Tim already in the bullpen. Gibbs barely glanced his way when he placed the fresh coffee and danish on his desk. 

Handing Tim his food, he asked, “What’s going on, do we have a case?”

Standing and grabbing his coffee, Gibbs answered first, as he headed up the stairs to MTAC. “We do, you don’t.” 

Looking at Tim with a stunned expression. “Tim what’s going on, what the heck did he mean by that?”

“We got a call from Hetty in Los Angeles early this morning, she needs some help on a case. Gibbs and I are heading out in about 2 hours. The case is need-to-know, we will be read-in when we get there.”

“So what are Bishop and I going to do while your gone?”

“That’s easy, Agent DiNozzo,” Vance said as he came up behind Tony. “You are going to do your job, I have a stack of cold cases for you and Agent Bishop will be working with Agent Balboa and his team. I think it’s important for her to get a sense of how other teams work, not everyone is like Gibbs.”

Tony stood just looking at the director without a response, he wasn’t sure he could handle much more and this was just a pile of hot shit that had been dumped on him.

“You have a problems with this Agent DiNozzo?” Vance asked. While Vance may not dislike him as much as he had in the beginning, Tony knew he would never be one of his favorite people.

“No, Director, no problem at all,” Tony answered.

Turning away from the two teammates, Director Vance headed up to his office.

Tony silently put his things away and started his computer.

From his desk, Tim watched the interaction between Tony and the Director with concern. Tony looked pale with dark circles under his eyes, he was sure his friend had not slept much last night. Tim knew that Seniors’ visits were never easy for Tony and he should have supported his friend. Tim knew how complicated father/son relationships could be, having had a father that always made him feel like a disappointment because he did not follow family tradition and go into the Navy. He understood some of what Tony was going through but a part of him liked the attention Senior gave him, he was able to talk to Senior in a way that he could not talk to his own father, and maybe so close to his Dad’s death, it had left him vulnerable to Seniors’ charm.

Getting up he went to stand behind Tony, leaning forward with an arm on the back of the chair and one on the desk, he spoke softy, “Tony, hey listen, I’m sorry about all that stuff with your father. I know none of this was easy for you and I am sorry.”

Keeping his head down as he heard Tim speak, Tony clamped his mask firmly in place, “It’s Ok Tim. Senior is who he is, never going to change, plus he’s gone now, so it’s over.” 

“Tony, its not ok, my father treated his assistant with more respect than he ever treated me. I know what its like to have your father look at another man with the pride that should be reserved for his son,” pausing he looked as Tony glanced up at him. “Again, Tony I’m sorry, when we get back from California maybe we can go out for drinks or something.”

Tony shook his head in agreement, “Ok Tim, sounds good, and thanks for that, it helps that you understand, everyone else thinks I’m just being a brat.”

“No Tony, I get it, maybe too late, but I get it now.”

About half hour later, Gibbs came barreling down the stairs, “Come on Tim, time to go.” Stopping in front of Tony. “DiNozzo, stay out of trouble, don’t give the Director grief and I better see some results on those cold cases when I get back.”

“K, Boss, but can’t I get even a hint of what’s going on?”

“Nope, if you needed to know, you would know already, just do what your told.”

“Sure Boss, I got it, sit and stay, like your loyal St. Bernard.”

The sound of the head slap made the agents on the other side of the bullpen cringe.

Rubbing the back of his head, Tony watched as Gibbs and Tim headed for the elevators.

 

NCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCIS

 

Gibbs hoped he’d have time to talk to Tony today, but the early call from Hetty had not left him any time. He knew that the Senior DiNozzo’s visit would have his Agent off his game. Gibbs was glad that after years of not speaking to his Dad, they’d been able to repair their relationship before Jackson died, but while Jackson had been a strong, pigheaded man and they would frequently bump heads, Jackson was never neglectful. 

Gibbs hoped that by getting the two DiNozzo men together, Senior would finally tell his son how he felt and maybe Tony would be able to forgive him for years of neglect. Gibbs knew it wasn’t going to be that simple, Tony had been hurt and disappointed too many times by Senior, Wendy, Jenny Shepard, Vance, but mostly he’d let Tony down. He had let Tony get close, spending time together after work and building a friendship only to take it all away. He could blame his past memory loss, but he’d started to shut Tony out even before he had been blasted into the metal hull of that ship. The more time he spent with Tony the more he enjoyed the younger man’s company, but when he started to feel a strong attraction he pulled away. 

When Tony risked his own life to save him and Maddie Taylor by jumping into the cold, dirty river water, pulling them from the car and giving CPR, he had savored the feel of Tony’s warm lips on his. He knew at that moment that he could not act on his feeling; submerged, trapped, feeling himself drown, he had felt the spirit of the two women he truly loved. The vivid reminder of what he’d lost, gave him the strength to push Tony away, he could never allow himself to love someone that much. While he and Maddie recovered quickly, Tony became ill, spending a week in the hospital with pneumonia. Using the excuse that he too was recovering, he stayed away, never thanking Tony. By the time they were both back on full duty he had pushed Tony so far away that there was nothing left between them but the job. 

Senior showing up at this time just made it harder, he knew Tony had been embarrassed when his father came into the bullpen in his pajamas. He had seen the look of hurt and disappointment when Tony entered the conference room and saw the team start without him. Having a murderer to catch, Gibbs did not have time to deal with hurt feelings and if the senior DiNozzo’s contacts could solve the case faster then he wasn’t above using him, but no way could he let Tony and his father work together, even if Tony got upset. 

Gibbs also knew he would eventually have to talk to Tony about what happened at the Adams House. For a man who usually chose his words carefully and was not known for long speeches he had really blown it, disclosing Tony’s personal information to the team. He had wanted to drive the point home to Senior but that was really the wrong time and place. It did get him thinking again about his own relationship with Tony and maybe it was time he took his own words to heart. Tony really was precious and Senior wasn’t the only one who had work to do in repairing their relationship with Tony.

Tony would have to wait until he returned from Los Angeles. Hetty had requested his and Tim’s assistance on a case. They had been tracking a group of sailors involved in human trafficking; finding the murdered remains of a 17-year-old woman in the hotel room rented by a 22 year old Ensign. The young man was in custody. Scared, he had quickly disclosed that Navy personnel stationed in Long Beach were renting rooms off base to have sex, while this was not new there appeared to be a sophisticated system for ordering the girls and with increase awareness in trafficking, the local and state police were cracking down hard on these cases. The Ensign denied murdering the girl though he admitted to having sex but he thought she was 19 and she was alive when he left. The hotel was run down and seedy, chosen because no one would notice or complain about this type of activity. While normally the purview of the local police or FBI, the involvement of Navy personnel had lead to the involvement of NICS. 

Hetty had a strong team of computer experts but Tim was still one of the best. Gibbs would be going in undercover as a retired marine looking to get into the action, offering to supply fresh girls. Hopefully they would be able to trace the operation back to the ringleaders. Gibbs had been working in Washington for so long, he was an unknown in Southern California. Tim would get a full briefing when they got to L.A. Director Vance wanted to keep the whole operation need-to-know, from past experience you could catch some pretty big fish, men in positions of power and he did not want anyone tipped off. Tony would not be happy to be left behind again and this had been part of his discussion with Vance.

“Leon, I’d really like to include DiNozzo in this.”

“Look Gibbs, Hetty asked for you and Agent McGee, her team will back you up, they need McGee’s computer skills and they really don’t need two agents set up uncover. Plus, did we not talk about giving Agent McGee more responsibility.”

“Leon, I’ve given McGee the lead on several cases recently and he has gone overseas with me several times.”

“Good, Good, with DiNozzo in the Senior Field Agent position for this length of time, it has held Agent McGee back a little, he needs the supervisory experience. His time as supervisor in Cybercrimes helps but he needs to be able to lead investigations. Your not going to be here forever no matter what you think and I’d like to see that young man move up.”

“Your not trying to push me out, are you Leon?”

“Not me Gibbs, but age catches up to all of us eventually.”

“Leon, DiNozzo is a good agent, you better not mess with him while I’m gone or you’ll answer to me.” 

“Wouldn’t think of it Gibbs, but you better tell him to mind his p’s and q’s.”

NCISNCISNCISNCIS

Coming down the stairs, Gibbs watched Tony and Tim in conversation, Tony had his head down and was not looking at Tim, he could tell they were talking about Senior’s visit and from the pale look on DiNozzo’s face he knew it had not gone as well as he hoped. Feeling rushed Gibbs looked at his watch, he and Tim had to leave to catch their flight. Tim would be glad they at least were going on a commercial flight not military transport. 

Out front, Agent Ned Dorneget waited for them with the car. He would drive them to the airport and return the car to Navy Yard as this operation was expected to take several weeks to a month. 

Settling in for the long flight, Gibbs knew he had taking his anger out on Tony, he’d giving him the mother of all head slaps when he made that smart remark about staying like a good St. Bernard. He thought that Tony was probably feeling the changes in the team, Tony was an astute investigator but it did not take great powers of observation to see that Tim was being treated like the Senior Field Agent on many of their recent cases. The only thing Gibbs was thankful for was that Ellie Bishop had taken a genuine liking to Tony; she looked up to him and now more than ever he needed a supportive teammate. 

Gibbs was also annoyed with Vance, his plan had always been for DiNozzo to take the team when he finally retired, but it was clear, Vance was grooming McGee. It was entirely possible he would promote Tim over Tony when the time came. He would do all he could to prevent that but once he was gone, he would have no control and that pissed him off. 

Looking out the small, scratched up window he watched as the landscape below became smaller and smaller, as the plane gained altitude, he wondered what he would find when he got back, he could see still the image of Tony sitting at his desk, elbows on the desk holding his head in his hands. At that moment Tony did not look like the competent Federal Agent that he was, he looked like a broken 8 year old and it took all his will power not to run back and take his agent in his arms. Not able to keep his eyes off Tony, he had held his breath as their eyes briefly met as the elevator doors closed, so much pain expressed in that one unguarded moment.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three:

Regardless of what others might think, Tony did take his job seriously, as soon as Tim and Gibbs left, he started to peruse the files on his desk, selecting a ten-year-old cold case.

There was something about this case that intrigued him, a 23-year-old Petty Officer, Mary Rice had been found strangled and raped in her off base apartment in Norfolk, Virginia on April 29, 2005. Her roommate, a Sarah Frasier, age 24, found Mary’s body on her return home from an after work party. 

According to the case file, the Petty Officer was working as a mechanic at Naval Station Norfolk. She did not have a boyfriend and no recent dates. Semen and other trace evidence had been collected but no matches were ever found. Tony made notes to run it against updated databases. Mary’s roommate, co-workers, superior officers were all interviewed with no suspects. The neighboring apartments had been canvased. The file contained the name, address and notes on everyone interviewed. 

Petty Officer Rice had left the base at about 15:30 on the 29th of April 2005. She lived about 20mins away and should have been home by 15:50-16:00. One neighbor had seen her arrive and talked to her briefly in the parking lot. Mrs. Chen and Mary frequently chatted in the parking lot at this time, as Mary got home, Ms. Chen was on her way to work. The roommate, Sarah Frasier reported she had been at work until 17:00, and then went to a going away party for a co-worker. She arrived home about 20:30. When she walked in, she found Mary lying naked on the living-room floor surrounded by broken furniture. She had made a frantic 911 call. The report from the responding officers indicated that Sarah Frasier was so traumatized by what happened they had to call EMS and she was treated for shock. 

The autopsy report indicated that Mary was killed between 16:30-17:30. There was no forced entry so it was possible it was someone she knew. Reading the report made him feel sick, Mary had fought hard, she had defensive wounds on her hands and arms, and she had a broken eye socket, a ruptured spleen and extensive damage to her genitals and rectum. Who ever did this had been angry, he wanted to punish his victim and make her suffer before he strangled her. This young woman did not deserve what happened to her, with this case to focus on, staying behind did not bother him as he was now compelled to find the person responsible.

NCISNCISNCIS

Tony was glad to be alone in the bullpen; Ellie was working on the other side of the dividers with Balboa. Ducky busy in the morgue as Jimmy was out on paternity leave. Without a reason to go near the forensics lab, he had stayed clear of Abby, with their relationship fractured he only went down when he needed too.

He had read the cold case cover to cover, carefully reading the interviews, reviewing crime scene photos, matching time-lines and spending a whole afternoon going through the boxes of evidence that had been transferred up from the Norfolk office. He made detailed notes, noting a few discrepancies and started a list of things to follow up on. This was not a case that called for high tech computer skills, if he was going to solve it, he would need to rely on his training as a Detective. He would also need Abby to re-run some of the evidence. It was possible that they could find something that was missed and get a hit on the DNA with the updated database.

Making arrangements to stay overnight at guest housing at Norfolk Naval Station, he made the four hour drive to visit the crime scene, not because he expected to find any evidence after all these years but because he wanted to see the layout for himself. See how the apartment complex was set up, place the names of the neighbors interviewed in there respective apartments. 

The complex was made of multiple buildings, lined up on each side of a common parking lot. Each unit was two stories with four apartments in each, two up, and two down. Each unit had it’s own entrance. The upstairs units had a staircase that went up the sides, ending in a small deck outside the front door. In the back each unit had sliding glass doors, the lower apartments opening to a patio, the upper units opened to a deck. As he walked around, he noted the entrances and exits, what other units and areas had a direct view of the 2nd floor apartment Mary and Sara had shared. Using his sketchbook he drew the building in front of him, noting each unit and the occupants at the time of the murder.

Finishing his exterior sketches, he hoped to get a look inside. He got lucky when the current tenants, a couple of college students, invited him in. The two young men were fascinated and equally disturbed that a murder had taken place in their apartment and were all too eager to hear the gory details. Tony carefully kept the information as general as possible. 

The case notes indicated that the front door was locked when Sarah entered. She had used her key to get in. Mary was found on the living room floor; the crime scene photos showed signs of a struggle, the sofa pushed back and end table turned over. No one reported being home at the time of murder in the three other apartments in this unit. That explained why no one heard anything until Sarah started screaming. The neighbors below arrived home about 1800 and the ones next door at about 1915. The sliding glass door was closed but not locked and bloody shoe prints led onto the deck. The matching print on the patio below indicated the person had dropped down from the deck. DNA from the bloody shoe prints matched Mary’s as the killer stepped in her blood on the way out. The print had not been any help as the tread was from a ubiquitous brand of sneaker. If the actual sneaker was found then the trace blood on it could be matched to the crime scene.

After looking over the apartment, checking distances to the parking lot where Mary’s car was supposed to have been parked; he drove to the Naval base. Asking around he was not surprised to find that no one from Mary’s time was still stationed there. It would take time to locate everyone she had worked with, those still in the Navy would easily be found at their current stations but some had left the Navy or retired.

Next he tracked down Mary’s roommate, Sarah Frasier, who was living in Havre de Grace, Maryland about an hour and a half north of Washington, D.C. After a brief conversation they set up a time to meet. Making the long drive to Maryland, Tony was greeted by a pretty young woman with a sad smile.

“Agent DiNozzo, I was surprised to hear from you, I thought every one had forgotten about Mary, in a month it will be 10 years,” wiping a stray tear from her eye as she spoke.

Sitting quietly, letting the still grieving woman have time to compose herself, Tony looked around the room on side table he noticed several framed photos some of Mary and others of Mary and Sarah together.

Getting up, he walked toward the sitting woman and squatted in front of her, taking her hands gently in his, he said, “It’s OK Sarah, I understand, I know just how much she meant to you.”

Throwing her arms around him and burying her face in his shoulder, he held her as she sobbed, finally being able to release the depth of her grief, crying, as she should have been able to all of those years ago.

With a patience and sensitivity his co-workers did not think he possessed, he quietly listened as Sarah told her story, only asking a question when he needed clarification and to provide support.

Sarah and Mary had met in high school in Georgia, by graduation they were deeply in love. Growing up in a small rural town and being gay was like the military at that time: Don’t ask - Don’t tell. Sure people would talk, might suspect but as long as you stayed closeted, it was Ok. 

Sarah talked of the frustration they felt as civil unions and same-sex marriage started to sweep the country, yet out of reach for them. Mary had made the decision to join the Navy, because she had a passion for engines of any kind and in the military she could learn to do what she loved. At home everyone thought she was a tomboy and her father did not want his daughter to be a grease monkey.

Once they moved away together, they found that it was easy and acceptable to be “roommates” no one questioned, two young single women living together. They knew they would face separations when Mary was deployed but the plan was for them to move to New England when Mary finished this tour, as she did not plan on re-enlisting. New England promised them a life where they could just be themselves, a place where they would have legal recognition. Massachusetts, becoming the first state to allow same-sex marriage sealed it for them and they had started to explore places to live.

Then it had all been torn away, Sarah found it hard to talk about that night but each detail was burned in her memory forever. With Tony’s gentle prodding she was able to tell him how she found Mary’s body. 

“Sarah, who knew about you and Mary?”

“Well, in Georgia our families knew. When we moved away, my parents told me not to come back until I had gotten rid of my perversions. Mary’s family was not much better; she was allowed to go home on leave as long as I didn’t go with her.” Letting out a deep sigh and looking away as her eyes filled with tears. “Her parents, took her home,” stopping to draw a gasping breath. “They would not let me go to her funeral.” 

Covering her face with her hands, she sobbed again, when she looked up at him with tears streaming down her cheeks, her face broken with grief. “Do you know Agent DiNozzo, what its like not to be able to say good-bye to the person you love most in the world?” 

Sarah jumped up, now angry, “Some sick bastard took her away from me but her parents have kept her from me. They would not even tell me where she’s buried, like I might sully the soil by visiting her grave.” 

Standing, Tony walked up to her and pulled her into a tight embrace, “I am so sorry Sarah, I will do all I can to find whoever did this, and I promise I will find where she is buried and take you there myself.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to thank everyone who is reading this story.  
> I truly hope you are enjoying it. LAG.

Chapter Four:

 

On the drive back to DC, Tony replayed what had transpired over and over in his head. He was happy that in the last ten years gay couples had more protections but this still happened all too often. Tony knew all about living in the closet, he had been doing it all his life. 

Over the next few days, Tony spent time looking over the other cold cases that Vance had given him with the case of Mary Rice taking priority. Using computer skills McGee did not think he possessed, Tony tracked down the current addresses and updated the information on the people he wanted re-interview. In the original case notes, no mention was made of Mary’s relationship to Sarah. No one had explored Mary’s sexual orientation as a motive for her murder. 

Of the 22 names on the list, one person in particular popped out, a possible suspect; Emmett McHale, a former neighbor of Mary and Sarah. At the time of Mary’s murder, McHale was living in the unit across the parking lot, he had denied being home that evening, reporting that he had been in Chesapeake, VA, clearing brush at his brother Braden’s house all that day and had gotten home late. His brother and sister-in-law confirmed his story, the case notes also indicated McHale had a number of scratches on his arms and face but he stated they had been caused by the work he had been doing, no photos or DNA samples had been taken. 

The updated arrest record caught Tony’s attention as Emmett McHale and his brother Braden had been arrested 4 years ago in North Carolina, for assaulting a gay man. Neither brother served any time, as they said the man had made a sexual pass at Braden and Emmett backed him. The case was dropped when the victim dropped the charges and left town. 

Two years ago Emmett and Braden McHale were placed on the FBI watch list of known members of a radical anti gay hate group. The group was known for picketing the funeral services of military men and women killed in Afghanistan and Iraq, in protest of same-sex marriage rights, now legal in 36 states. They had also been implicated in the spreading of hate literature and a number of assaults on gay and transgendered persons from Washington, DC to Atlanta, Georgia. Tony decided to bring him in for questioning. Emmett McHale now lived about 2 hours south of D.C, near Richmond, VA. 

Grabbing Ned Dorneget, Tony headed out. Picking up the man had gone smoothly, McHale assumed they where there to ask about his involvement in anti-gay hate group. Emmett McHale was more than happy to tell Tony and Ned how the world would be better if all those fags were gone, spouting it was his 1st Amendment right to say what the hell he wanted, he wasn’t threatening anybody and he hadn’t done anything illegal. Stereotyping all gay men, he assumed two Federal agents could never be gay or bi. 

McHale ranted all the way back to the Navy Yard; Tony had a pounding headache by the time he sat down in interrogation. McHale said he remembered the day of the murder because when he got home from his brother’s house, the police were all over the apartment complex. McHale stuck to his story, repeating he was at his brother’s house helping clean brush. McHale was a big man, about 6’5’’, 350lbs, Tony estimated his shoe size was about a 15, which would be in the range of the print they had found. When asked if he would be willing to give a DNA sample McHale became outraged, yelling that they’d get nothing from him and he take any man on who tried, even with a warrant. Tony could hold him for questioning for about 24 hours but if they didn’t get the warrant or McHale didn’t confess, they would have to let him go for now. 

Signaling that he was done, Ned and Agent Rick Jones came in to escort the suspect to holding. On a whim, as McHale stood in the doorway between the Agents, Tony shoved the picture of picture of Mary and Sarah in a tender embrace in McHale’s face, it was enough to send the man over the edge, he started to scream about the “immoral bitches that had lived next door.”

McHale even with his hands cuffed behind him, threw himself at Tony. The man was fast and the sudden movement caught the other Agents off guard as McHale easily escaped their grip. Seeing the man come at him, Tony put his arms up to try and hold the man back, but McHale who had a few inches on Tony and out weighed him by more than a hundred pounds was surprisingly fast. The momentum pushed Tony back over the chair behind him, with McHale landing on top. The sound of something snapping; followed by a scream sent a chill through Ned’s heart, together with Rick Jones, they wrestled the large man off Tony as other Agents came to their aid. McHale secured in a tight grip, stood dripping blood from his nose and split lip. Ned, leaving McHale with Rick and the other Agents rushed to help his friend. Tony was now lying on his side, curled over as he held his left leg. Blood splattered covered both Tony and the floor. 

“Tony, oh shit, Tony. Are you Ok?

“Ned,“ Tony moaned as he grabbed Ned’s arm. “Shit it hurts.”

“I know Tony, I know, don’t move, we’re getting an ambulance.”

“No, listen, get Abby, we need a sample.” Laying his head back, Tony just wanted to pound his head into the floor. 

“Tony, I don’t understand, sample of what?” 

“Damn it Dorney, McHale’s blood, it all over me and the floor, don’t let anyone in until we get a sample, DNA Dorney, DNA.”

Realizing what Tony was saying Ned, stopped anyone else from entering as he blocked the door and called for someone to get Abby here stat.

Kneeling again next to Tony, “She’ll be here quickly and so will the ambulance.”

“Gibbs is going to be pissed.” Tony hissed under his breath.

“Wasn’t your fault Tony. I should have had a tighter grip.”

Looking up at his friend, despite the pain, Tony gave a little laugh.

“You ass, you did this on purpose to get the sample.” Dorney said as he put a hand on his friends shoulder for comfort.

“Not exactly the way I thought it would go, damn it hurts.” 

“Let me through, Let me through,“ a voice with a familiar British lit reached Tony as Ducky pushed his way through the thong of surrounding agents.

“Tony, my boy, what have you done to yourself now?” Ducky asked.

Tony cringed as he heard Ducky’s words. Even without knowing what happened, it was assumed it was his fault. “Ned, keep him out,” Tony said through gritted teeth.

Ned stood and effectively blocked the Medical Examiner, “Dr. Mallard, just a few minutes, we need to get samples of the blood.”

“If Anthony is bleeding, he needs immediate attention, let me through this minute.” Ducky demanded.

“It’s not Tony’s blood, belongs to the suspect.”

“Young man, I know my way around a crime scene, I will not disturbed the evidence. Please move aside so I may take care of Anthony.” Ducky pushed.

From his place on the floor, Tony called out, “Ducky please, a few minutes won’t make a difference to me and saving the evidence will help us nail a killer.”

“Oh, Anthony,” Ducky responded as the realization of what must have occurred hit him. 

Tony was saved from responding by the clanging sound of Abby’s boots running down the hall. 

Standing in the doorway, still blocked by Ned, “Tony, Tony are you Ok, Oh my God, Tony, what happened?” Abby called out.

Before moving aside, Ned spoke softly to her, “Abby, I know your worried, but if you can get samples of the blood, we can get Ducky and the EMT’s in here as quickly as possible.

“Ok, Ok,” she said as she entered, going carefully to Tony’s side. “Tony, what do you need me to do with the sample?”

“Abby, listen carefully Ok.” They might not be as close as they had been; Abby was Gibb’s girl and always would be. When Gibbs started to push Tony away it had affected the whole team. An uneasy, task focused relationship had replaced the easy camaraderie between them. They still cared about each other and he trusted her to do her job but they no longer hung out. 

“Ok, just tell me what you need?” 

“Need you to collect samples of the blood splatter in here, it belongs to Emmett McHale, a suspect in a cold case. Ned will get you the case file, we need to see if the DNA matches semen found in the murder, rape of a Petty Officer in Norfolk about 10 years ago.”

The pain in his leg getting harder to ignore, Tony watched as Abby collected each sample and Ned carefully photographed the scene, including Tony lying on the floor. What actually took a short time to complete, felt like a lifetime as his leg throbbed with each beat of his heart. 

With samples in hand, Abby stopped to give him a kiss, as she took the evidence back to her lab. 

Finally allowed in, Ducky rushed to his side and started assessing his condition. Getting a good look at the younger man, Ducky was concerned about how pale he was and it was clear Tony was in a good deal of pain. Ducky knew Anthony would not be pleased but he needed to go to the hospital. Ducky prayed that surgery would not be necessary.

“Anthony, listen, I know you hate hospitals but this is more than I can treat here. With Mr. Palmer on leave, I can not accompany you to the hospital but maybe if I contact him he can meet you there.’’

Taking a deep breath, Tony opened his eyes, not realizing he had even closed them.  
The pain was now unbearable and yet very familiar, it wasn’t the first time he’d broken this leg. With the way things were at this time, this was the worst thing that could happen, he wasn’t so sure he would have a job when his leg healed, if his leg healed.

Seeing the worried look on Ducky face, he knew the old Doctor was thinking the same thing.

“It’s alright Ducky, I know I have to go, it’s definitely broken. I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure Anthony?”

“Yeah, can’t ask you to take time away and don’t need Vance any angrier.”

“Oh Anthony, don’t worry about Director Vance, I will take care of speaking with him.”

Before Tony had time to respond, the barreling voice of the Director parted the sea of agents gathered in the doorway. 

“What is going on, how the hell does one of my Agents get hurt in interrogation?”

Spotting DiNozzo, on his back, with Ducky and Ned kneeling next to him, he groaned. “Should have known it was you, DiNozzo. Can’t stay out of trouble with your keeper gone?”

Not waiting for a response, he turned and walked away yelling back. “Expect a full report, On My Desk This Afternoon!” 

Ned and Ducky exchanged a look over their fallen friend; it was not lost on them that Vance had not once asked about Tony’s condition.

Tony closed his eyes again; he too had noticed the blatant lack of concern displayed by the Director. Tony knew he was not on his list of favorite agents but he expected a little more compassion. Sure they had gotten off to a bad start after Director Sheppard was killed and he had been shipped off as Agent Afloat, but over the years he thought that they had worked better together. 

All thoughts in this direction were cut short by the arrival of the EMTs; Tony realized for the first time that the chairs and table had been pushed over to the far corner, leaving an area around him free. As Ned moved away he promised to be at the hospital as soon as he could get away.

With practiced skill the EMTs took his vitals - the pain elevating his breathing, pulse and blood pressure. Opening a medication box Tom, the EMT in charge, started an IV. Tom asked if he had any allergies and took a quick medical history with Ducky by his side to fill-in any information Tony forgot or did not want to disclose.

Pulling a syringe, Tom explained they were going to give him mild dose of pain medication as they would need to manipulate his leg to get the air splint on and lifting him on to the stretcher was going to be extremely painful.

The EMTs splinted Tony’s leg and moved him with as much care as possible but even with the dose of pain medication, Tony gritted his teeth, sweat ran down his forehead as he tried to not scream. Keeping his eyes shut tight as he was moved out of the interrogation room, down the hall and into the waiting elevator.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has taken time to read this story and thank you for the Kudos and comments. There is much more Tony whump to come :)

Chapter 5:

Tony recalled little of the ride to the emergency room, unfortunately for him; a bus collided with a semi about the same time he was flipping over a chair. With a number of critically injured people ahead of him, he was checked in, transferred to a hospital stretcher and parked in a hallway of the overcrowded emergency department. A nurse came by, took his vitals, told him that they would attend to him as soon as possible, but it was likely a long wait, non-life threatening injuries like a broken leg did not take precedent over more urgent cases. Even his status as a federal agent, bore no weight and he would never want it too.

Time seemed to stand still, as the hospital staff rushed about, without a glance in his direction. It left him feeling invisible, alone and a little sorry for himself. A part of him wanted attention, a sign that someone cared, but he felt unworthy, he wondered if maybe, he deserved to be alone.

Vance’s reaction hurt, but he expected it. What happened was his fault. He had read McHale right, the man was a hothead; pushing just the right buttons, McHale reacted like he expected, but the man’s greater size and speed caught him off guard. He should have been prepared. He knew Vance would not let this go without consequences.

With nothing else to do, his thoughts wandered back to his father, as they had all too often since the last visit. He loved his father, but wondered if his father really loved him, had ever loved him. Growing up he wanted, needed Senior to be a more attentive parent, especially after his mother died, but Senior could never be that man. He knew his father well enough to see past Senior’s charade, not blinded by his games. He knew Senior was looking for someone to take care of him now and that someone would be him. He had no illusions about Senior’s wealth; there was none. For every penny Senior made, he spent double and usually it was someone else’s money. Now, his aging father expected him to spend his own savings to care for him and as much as he wanted to walk away, he could not. 

Senior knew how to give him just enough of what he craved, just enough attention to keep him hoping that this time it was for real, but Senior was a selfish man and would never change. His teammates bought everything Senior dished out and looked at him as if he was the selfish one, the uncaring son. He was relieved that Tim seemed to have finally come to his own conclusion about Senior and had tried to make amends before leaving for Los Angeles. Maybe when Tim came back they could spend time trading evil father stories over a drink. 

Taking a deep breath, Tony felt a tear roll down his cheek. It was easy to feel sorry for yourself, lying alone in the hallway, of an overcrowded emergency room. His leg was throbbing as the pain medications wore off. Even with all the activity around him, he was just a number on a board, he knew they would eventually get to him but it didn’t make the waiting easier. 

He thought of Gibbs, when things had been better between them, Gibbs would have been here, harassing the staff until his agent was seen. Even if Gibbs wasn’t in L.A. Tony wasn’t sure he would be here. After years of working closely together, watching each other’s backs, it felt wrong to be left behind. While Gibbs hardly even spoke to him anymore, rarely partnered with him in the field, he still hoped that Gibbs cared enough to stand with him when he was injured. Once it would never be a question, but now he really did not know if Gibbs would have his back. In many ways the relationship he created with Gibbs, mirrored his relationship with his father. While Gibbs could care little about money or possessions, he was emotionally closed. Like Senior, Gibbs gave Tony just enough of what he craved to keep him hooked, except the relationship he dreamed of with Gibbs was not as father and son but that was a place he could never go. 

Adjusting his position had him sucking in air as shooting pain went down his leg. A broken leg would keep him out of the field for months, it would not surprise him if Vance gave Tim the position of temporary Senior Field Agent during this time and he worried he would not have a job when he return, if he returned. It was clear that Tim was being groomed for a promotion, Gibbs had given the younger agent the lead on a number of cases recently, he did not begrudge Tim getting experience, but he wasn’t stupid, he knew what this meant, soon Tim would be either SFA on another team or more likely replace him and he wasn’t sure Gibbs would go to bat for him. 

He had no one to blame but himself. He had stayed by Gibbs side far too long, he should have taken a promotion years ago. Who was he kidding? He’d never leave Gibbs side. He loved the man, loved him more deeply than he had ever loved anyone in his life. Didn’t matter that no one knew, didn’t matter that Gibbs would never love him back. What did matter was that he was able to spend day after day, week after week, month after month and year after year with the man of his dreams. He knew it made him sound needy and pathetic but it was how he felt.

Only a few friends knew he was gay; he presented himself as the poster child for a Metro-sexual. In an effort to hide his sexuality, he overplayed the womanizing frat boy. No one looked past that, no bothered to see the real Tony DiNozzo. A few people came close, Abby in the beginning, when they were friends, but over time she had stopped trying to see the real him. 

Tim initially had been too busy trying to prove he was as good or better than a cop with a Phys. Ed. degree; it was only now that Tim seemed to see more of the real Tony. He held on to the hope that they could be good friends, their relationship having morphed over the years into a more brotherly relationship but as with siblings; rivalries continued. 

Ziva, ha, Ziva he loved her in his own way, but she wanted to conquer all that was around her, prove she could get what she wanted, and he could never be hers as his heart already belonged to someone else. The flirtations provided a good cover, as everyone thought he was in love. They weren’t wrong, just not with Ziva.

Ellie Bishop was a rare find, she was able to see past his masks in a way no one had ever done, she provided him with silent support, and helped him maintain his cover, all the time giving him knowing smiles that said, ‘I know who you really are’. Tony was glad that it had been Bishop that went to Rhode Island with him. While she had learned things about him, who he had been as a teen, she kept his secrets. 

Shifting a little, trying to find a more comfortable position, feeling the urge to go to the bathroom he ignored it, damned if he called anyone for help.

Glancing on the wall clock, he wondered were Ned was, he expected him to find his way to the ED by now, it was standard operating procedure to keep an injured agent company in the hospital, but Vance probably found a way to keep him and anyone else from coming. Well, he had taken care of himself his whole life he didn’t need anyone now.

Not realizing he had fallen asleep, a gentle shake to his shoulder woke him, looking up he saw a young woman dressed in hospital scrubs. “I’m Dr. Jameson, I am so sorry for the long delay, dealing with the accident victims was priority. I’m going to get some medical history, take a quick look at you and get you into x-ray so we can see what we are dealing with.”

The rest of his time in the ED went quickly, just like the lines at the deli, when your number came up you got full service. 

After his x-rays, he met with the orthopedist. His tibia was fractured, about 4 inches above his ankle. Lucky for him, it was not displaced and well below the old fracture. Surgery was not required, but his leg would be placed in a temporary splint, once the swelling went down he’d be in a cast for the next 4 weeks. Not able to put weight on his leg he would be stuck using crutches. If all went well, he’d spend another four weeks in a walking cast. The Doctor expected it would be about three or four months before he’d be back in the field, as his leg had to be strong enough to run on.

Tony sat on the bed getting his discharge papers, a script for pain medications; instructions on how to care for his leg and the name and number of the orthopedist to follow up with. No one from the Naval Yard had shown up or even called. Concerned about getting home, he pulled out his wallet, relieved to find he had enough money for a taxi. As an orderly wheeled him out to the lobby, he checked his cell phone again; reception in the bowels of the massive emergency department was limited and several missed messages popped up.

Ducky apologized for not getting to the hospital but he had been called to Quantico on what appeared to be a tragic murder/suicide.

Ned also left a message. Vance had kept him busy, insisting that a full report, both verbal and written be completed. McHale was charged with assault of a federal officer that would allow them to hold him until the DNA results came back. Ned asked that Tony send him an update on his condition and if he was discharged home, he would meet him at his apartment and bring food as he still had a few things to wrap up and wasn’t sure when he’d be able to leave. 

It took Tony a little wiggling, to get his long frame in and out of the taxi especially with his splinted legs and crutches, fortunately the taxi company at the request of the ED Social Worker had sent a special taxi. The MV-1 was designed for accessibility and he was able to keep his leg stretched out. The Jamaican driver provided Tony with assistance getting into his building. He even stopped at the pharmacy to pick up medications without running the meter.

Once home, Tony went straight to bed, he was too tired to do anything else. The ringing phone woke him. Fumbling, he answered it before it went to voice mail. 

“Hello.”

“Tony, it’s Ned, I’m at the door; just about to let myself in, didn’t want to startle you.”

“It’s Ok, come in,” Tony found his words slurred from sleep and narcotics. 

Ned stuck his head in the doorway to Tony’s room. “So, Tony how bad is it?”

“Come here, help me up,” Tony called out as he tried to sit up.

While Tony was a tall man at 6’2’’, Ned was closer to 6’5”. Easily helping his friend up, he handed Tony, his crutches. Without any words, Tony hopped into the living room. Looking around he tried to decide the best place to sit. The sofa was comfortable but too low, Tony wasn’t sure he’d be able to pull himself up. Choosing the harder side chair, he sat down.

Ned brought him a glass of ice water. “So are you going to tell me what the damage is?”

Tony looked up at the worried face of his friend. “Broke my tibia, it’s a clean break so no surgery. They figure I’ll be in this splint for a few days to let the swelling go down, then in a cast.”

“Man, that sucks.”

“Yeah, but at least no surgery.”

“How long will it keep you out of work?”

“Well once I get the hard cast on, I’ll be on desk duty. It’ll be three or four months before I can get into the field.”

“Boy, that’s a long time riding a desk, you’ll be pretty crazy by that time.”

“Don’t have to tell me. What happened after I left?”

“Ducky went out on a case, sounds pretty cut and dry, though sad. Husband murdered his wife and then shot himself; the families will be left with lots of questions. Balboa’s team is looking for a motive.”

“What about Vance?”

“Vance was a beast, he, ah….he blames you for what happened. We tried to tell him it was not your fault, I should have had a tighter grip, but he doesn’t want to hear it. Just had us write up our reports.”

“You said McHale was booked for Assault of a Federal Officer?”

“Yes, Director Vance might be upset with you, but he reviewed the tapes from interrogation and after reading the reports Rick and I wrote up, he had us book McHale on assault charges. Problem is we can’t charge him with the rape and murder yet and if he makes bail he could be out tomorrow.”

“What about the blood samples?”

“Abby is running those, she said the blood type was A positive, a match with the semen found, but since 35% of Americans have this type it doesn’t narrow it down enough, she said to remind you that are you are A positive too.”

“Yeah, I know, what about the DNA?”

“That is going to take a little longer, she said it would take about 48 hrs to get preliminary results.”

“Shit, we could loose McHale by then, if he makes bail.”

“Vance is working on holding him as long as possible, but if he lawyers up, he could be out soon but at least he’ll have this case hanging over his head, just sucks waiting for the forensics. By the way that was a pretty slick way of getting a blood sample.” 

“Not that slick Dorney, I baited him and I should have been better prepared when he reacted, if I’d really done this right, I’d be sitting in the bullpen, not stuck at home barely able to get around.”

“Hey, we’d be sitting around waiting for a warrant and we’d still have to wait the same amount of time for the results, even with Abby doing them as quickly as possible, I quote, ‘Agent Dorneget, forensics is a science that can’t be rushed. Do you want this done correctly or not.’ Then she went over and hugged Major Mass Spec.” 

Rubbing face with his hand Tony responded, “That's Abby for you, but she’s right, doesn’t make the waiting easier.”

“Tony was there anything else on McHale, what about his initial alibi?”

“His brother and sister-in-law provided the alibi, but since he and his brother were arrested together after for the assault on that gay man and their activities in that anti-LGBTQ organization I not sure how reliable his alibi really is. Emmett McHale’s brother Braden divorced from his wife in 2006, she stayed with the house in Chesapeake. I had planned on bringing them in to re-interview.”

“Do you have anything on his brother?”

“D.C. Metro has an open investigation on Braden McHale, Emmett’s older brother, I spoke with my friend Sebby, you know, Detective Sebastian Fusco.” Sebby was an old friend. They had worked together in Baltimore and bonded over pizza and New York City. Sebby was originally from Brooklyn and it helped that they were both Italian, though Sebby considered Tony ‘Italian light’ as he was only half Italian. “Braden has been implicated on several assaults and threats against gay clubs in DuPont Circle and as you know the McHale brothers got off on that assault charge in Atlanta. Sebby was planning on picking him up in the morning. I was supposed to call him today if I got any new information from Emmett. I should call Sebby and let him know what happened. Has anyone thought to call Sarah, Mary’s partner?”

“It’s your case Tony, I thought you’d want to call her yourself, I have her number here for you.”

“Thanks Ned, I really would rather speak to her myself, not that I have anything definitive to tell her. I really appreciate your help on this.”

“No worries Tony, you know how much I like working with you.”

“If things go the way I think they will, you might want to stay far away from me.”

“Shit Tony, you deserve a commendation, not a reprimand. You found a suspect and you will put the murderer of a young woman behind bars and you will give closure to her partner. Not only that, you have validated their relationship. You know how important that is, having to hide all these years that the love of her life was murdered, not just a roommate, well that’s bad enough but you know.”

“I know Ned, we both know what it’s like to live in the closet, at least you had the guts to come out, no more hiding.”

“Tony, you know it wasn’t easy but by the time I started at NCIS things had already changed. Since everyone has always known, they accept me as they see me, they never saw me as anything else.”

“Not sure I can ever be so out Ned, I’ve spent so much time hiding, building this façade, what would happen if they knew most of those dates were made up and my heart belongs to the one person I can never have.”

“Tony you don’t know how he feels, you’ve never talked to him. What I do know is how he looks at you when you’re not looking.”


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

That Friday, three days after he’d broken his leg, Ducky escorted him to an appointment, the broken bone remained aligned. The splint was replaced with a hard fiberglass cast that went from just above his knee to his toes. Dr. Patel was less optimistic about the recovery time, expecting that he would be in a cast about 8 weeks, then a removable walking boot for another 2-4 weeks. 

While he could go back on desk duty in another week, it would take about 4-6 months to get back in the field. Tony had expected to be cleared to return to work on Monday, but Dr. Patel and Ducky, gently reminded him that he was not a 21 year old college student and he could not expect to recover as quickly as he had, when his leg was broken playing college football. 

Getting home and settling back on his sofa, Tony called Sarah. He had hoped to have an update for her but he was still waiting to hear from Abby with the DNA results on Emmett McHale. His friend Sully, Detective Sebastian Fusco of Metro PD, had kept him updated on the case against Emmett’s brother Braden. Tony wanted Braden brought in and questioned about the alibi he provided Emmett the night Mary was murdered but Braden McHale had gone into hiding. Braden had been identified on the security camera outside a gay club on DuPont Circle, where a man had been severely beaten. The man reported he had been beaten by two men but there was no sign of Emmitt McHale on the video.

NCISNCISNCISNCIS

After five days homebound, Tony was going crazy. He still had another four days before he could go back to work. In the past he would have done what he wanted; gone back early but he didn’t have any reason too. Vance had reassigned the murder and rape of Mary Rice to ‘Mo’, Agent Maureen Cabot* who headed the Family and Sexual Violence Unit, Mary’s murder was no longer a cold case as Tony had found a viable suspect. Her team had taken over but she was a friend and was keeping him updated. 

Emmett McHale had made bail but had been released with an ankle bracelet and restricted to his home. His brother Braden was still in hiding and the DNA testing had been delayed. Abby had been forced to send it out to the FBI lab at Quantico, she found that the original DNA had contained DNA from two related men, it was not noted in the original reports. Abby could not explain why, but she did tell him that the testing was much more sophisticated now. On the preliminary testing, one set had matched Emmett McHale. Tony could only assume that the other was from his brother Braden. Legal would not issue a warrant on the preliminary results and with the addition of the second set of DNA they wanted a new type of DNA testing preformed, as several cases had been delayed in court recently because the NCIS lab at the Navy Yard was unable to handle this test. Abby had been pushing to get the expensive equipment she needed to complete the test in-house, but the funding for it was not approved when the infrequent test could be done at the FBI lab.

The rest of his time home, Tony found himself, spending a lot of time on the phone with Sarah Frasier. She was smart, funny and easy to talk to. He was not sure why, but he came out to her, telling her the sad story of his unrequited love. He had memories of Tim falling for Erin Kendall, a witness to a murder, who sadly became the next victim. He had given Tim crap about boundaries but as Gibbs had told him after his obsession with Dana Hutton, Rule 10; never get personally involved, was a difficult rule to follow. This time Tony really didn’t care if he broke a rule or not, he did not think he would be on Gibbs team much longer and Sarah was quickly becoming a good friend and he needed one right now. When he got back to his desk he would find out where Mary had been laid to rest and he would uphold his promise to take Sarah to say her final goodbyes. 

 

Ned and Jimmy took turns bringing him food and keeping him company. Breena had sent a tray of fresh brownies with walnuts. He had frozen half before he ate them all in one sitting. Abby called him once a day, she felt bad she had not been able to get away to see him and the delay in the DNA, but long days in the lab and a bowling tournament with her Nuns left her little time. 

Ellie visited, she told him she had tried to sneak out a few cold cases but Ducky suspecting that she would try that, had Vance tell her that case files were property of NCIS and could not be removed from the building without permission. Ellie was enjoying her time with Balboa and his team. Balboa had been around as long as Gibbs but he had a different style, like Tony he had come from a police background not military, his closure rate was good, but they dealt more with vice and narcotics, where the MCRT dealt with homicide, terrorism, and espionage cases. 

Sitting on the sofa, eating chips and drinking sodas while watching ‘Sleepless in Seattle’, Ellie quietly asked her friend, “Tony are you happy on the team?”

“What do you mean Ellie-Belly, where did that come from?”

“I see things Tony, I know I’m still new and I don’t know what the team was like before with Ziva, Kate and all, but,” shaking her head in way that made her blonde hair sway with the movement. “Something feels off to me Tony, I mean you are the Senior Field Agent, doesn’t that mean you should take over when Gibbs is gone, but Gibbs leaves Tim in charge a lot lately and you go with me in the field.” Making a tight smile with her lips and tilling her head to one side, “I don’t know Tony, you guys talk about your gut, and my gut, intuition whatever, tells me something is not all right with the team.”

“It’s complicated Ellie and I’m not sure I really know what’s going on.”

“You’ve been with Gibbs for years, didn’t you ever want your own team?”

“Thought about, turned down a few offers, but timing wasn’t right, now I think the only way to get my own team will be to leave NCIS.”

Staring ahead, her hand held by her face with her index finger extended touching her lips, Ellie looked lost in thought, as something came to her she sat up and turned to him with her left leg tucked under her and her right leg bent over her ankle with her foot on the floor. 

“Tony,” Ellie said smiling at him, “are you in love with Gibbs?”

Popping forward, Tony spit out a mouth full of soda. “What? What makes you say that?”

“I’m an analyst, I take data and look for correlations, patterns, and I’ve watched you Tony, looking at him. I see how you react when he talks to you, when he ignores or pushes you aside. Tony, you are so much more than what you let others see.”

“What do you think you see?”

Placing a gentle hand on his shoulder, “Tony, I see a friend.” Smiling at Tony as he smiled back.

“I’m glad, I see a friend too.”

“Maybe because I have three older brothers, I’ve learned to read them and you remind me of my brothers. When I look at you I see a very handsome man.”

“Really, I’m almost old enough to be your father.”

“Really. You are old enough to be my father.”

“Wow, when did that happen, guess I never gave it much thought, so if I’m old enough to be your father, Abby is old enough to be your mother.”

“Whew, that is too weird, Abby’s that old?”

“Yep, she is only a year younger than me.”

“NCIS is like Neverland, you guys never seem to grow old.”

“I wouldn’t say that, DiNozzo’s age well, look at my Dad, but I think I was hot enough to be a model when I was your age.”

“Don’t start with ‘The At Your Age’ thing, you are still very hot, just in a more mature way.”

“Mature, does not make me feel any younger.”

“Well, like I had started to say before we digressed, I think you are a smart, very, very smart man, that lets others under estimate you, I’ve seen how you put random pieces of information together, how you understand more of the techno babble Abby and McGee speak. Why play the fool, when your not?

“I didn’t go MIT and John Hopkins like McGee or get a Doctorate like Abby, when I first started Stan Burly had just left the team, Vivian Blackadder did not last long after she almost got Gibbs killed. Gibbs and I worked well alone for about 2 years, we had a good closure rate and you’ve seen Gibbs with a computer, I’d do most of the computer work, we were a good team.” Sadness filled his voice.

“What happened after?”

“Kate came along and Gibbs hired her. Kate was Kate, initially a bit uptight and prissy, but I trusted her and somewhere along the way she and Abby became the sisters I never had.” His eyes glassy with unshed tears, “When she died on that rooftop it felt as if the world ended, I stood there frozen with her blood on my face until Gibbs dragged me down. A few days later, we flew out to Indiana for her funeral.”

“I’m sorry Tony, you’ve had so much loss in your life, but that doesn’t explain why you hide how smart you really are.”

“No, guess it doesn’t, I learned growing up around Senior and years at boarding school to stay under the radar and if you couldn’t it was better to control your image. In college, I played sports and was in a fraternity. I quickly found that people made the assumption that I was just a dumb jock and no one really wanted to see more than that. I just reinforced it by playing the role. In the police department’s older cops were always weary of the younger guys, especially if you had a college degree, so to fit in, it was easier to play dumb. When I came to NCIS, Abby assumed I didn’t know anything and she actually didn’t like me very much. She broke Gibbs rule 8 never assume, they all assumed I was an oversexed, frat boy. To Abby and Tim, I was every jock, every bully they had met and didn’t like. It was just easier to play the part.”

“But that’s not really you, the real you.”

“No, I did play sports but not until my senior year in high school at Remington and at Ohio State, actually I was much more of a nerd. Tim wasn’t the only one bullied in school, especially before puberty when I was a scrawny little kid, who wore thick prism glasses to correct a strabismus in my left eye, until I had it surgically fixed while I was at Remington. You know I was even pulled up the flagpole in my underwear by Stinky John, in my head I had turned it around, until I confronted him and he apologized.”

“So why not tell them about your Master’s.”

Looking at her shocked, “How do you know about that?”

Giving him her all to familiar smile, “I checked.”

“You what?”

“I checked, come on, I was working for NSA, I know how to do research. You don’t think, I didn’t check you guys out before I took the job. Field work is dangerous, I wanted to know who had my six.”

“I think you are the only that knows besides Gibbs and Tom Morrow, so please don’t tell anyone.”

“Why hide it?”

“I started the Masters program when I was in Baltimore, had to keep starting and stopping with the weird hours we kept and going undercover weeks at a time, but when I got here I was able to finish even if it took me seven years. Gibbs and Director Morrow knew since I had to leave on time on the days I had class. Was just easier keeping it to myself, after Morrow left I don’t think Directors Sheppard or Vance bothered to look that closely at my file? Gibbs seemed to have forgotten after his Mexican Hiatus so you’re the only one that knows.”

“What about Ziva, didn’t you guys say she did a dossier on all of you?”

“I don’t think she found out, I registered under my mother’s maiden name of Paddington, if she knew she never mentioned it but it was to her advantage to have me seen as the dump jock on the team, and with her over inflated ego, I don’t think it would have mattered, I don’t think it would have mattered to Tim and Abby either since they still think they are much smarter than me. Bet they would think I bought my degree.”

“But Tony you graduated Summa Cum Laude from Ohio State and you had straight A’s in your Masters of Criminology program at Georgetown. You have room to brag.”

“What and be like Tim, when he started he had to keep reminding everyone how he had degrees from both MIT and John Hopkins.” Running his hand through his messy hair, “Bish can we just drop this, I’m tired, I’m hurting and I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“I’m sorry Tony, I just want you to know, that I think you are a really amazing person. I’m glad you are my partner and I get to learn so much from you. You are really my Obi One Kenobi.”

“Thank you my Padawan, the force is strong within you.”

“So my Tony Kenobi, no more hiding from me.”

Wrapping Ellie in a tight hug, his long arms wrapping easily around, “No Ellie, no hiding from you.”

Ellie let herself out after Tony fell asleep on the sofa, his casted leg propped up on pillows, it had been a battle but he had finally agreed to take some of his pain medication. Ned or Jimmy would be by later to check up on him. She had place a soft kiss on his forehead and covered him with a blanket without waking him. Standing with her hand stroking his hair, she worried that his time with them was short. She knew he loved Gibbs, but Gibbs was really pushing him away, she could feel the strain in their relationship, Gibbs barely spoke to Tony and when he did it was to bark orders, Tim seemed to be partnering with Gibbs more and more and while she loved working with Tim, he was a capable Agent and very good at what he did, there was something about Tony that made him special. She would be a good Padawan and learn all she could, like Luke she felt as if her Jedi Master would be gone before she learned all she could from him. 

*(Agent Maureen Cabot, Nickname Mo, Agent in Charge of Family and Sexual Violence Program, episodes: Season 11, E. 21 Alleged and Season 13, E. 6 Viral)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this story and those who leave comments, I will try my best to respond to each of you.
> 
> Thank you again, LAG

Chapter Seven:

 

On Friday morning, he struggled out of bed as someone was knocking on his door, looking at the clock he was surprised to see it was only 7:30 am, who the hell would come at this time. Ned had been by yesterday to help him shower and leave some food, he did not expect anyone over until later today as everyone was working, maybe one of his neighbors had decided to check in on him. 

Pulling a pillow over his face he figured if he ignored the person, they would go away, far, far away, but no; the persistent knocking continued. Forcing himself to get up he fumbled for his crutches and headed down the hall, he didn’t bother to get dressed since he planned on going right back to sleep when his unwanted, uninvited visitor left, his sweat pants with a leg cut off to make room for the cast and t-shirt would have to do.

Opening his door, he was so startled he almost lost his balance, “Director Vance, isn’t it a little early for a home visit.”

“Agent DiNozzo, I had a matter to discuss with that could not wait, Dr. Mallard informed me that you would be ready to return to desk duty next week.”

“Yeah, well have to follow Doctor’s orders.”

With a sneer Vance said, “Well it is nice to see you follow somebody’s orders.”

Tony felt like he had been slapped, the pompous son of bitch had to make his life difficult and in his own home at that.

“Director if this is work related, I would rather address it in the office, not my home.”

“Not problem Agent DiNozzo, this won’t take any time.” Ignoring the hint to leave Vance continued walking into the apartment. Vance had never been in Tony’s place; he noted the prescription bottles on the counter, the blanket on the sofa and some dishes in the sink and counter. He was surprised at the baby grand under the windows. 

Feeling a little embarrassed at the scrutiny, “Place is normally a little cleaner but hard to keep up with crutches.”

“Not here to rate your housekeeping abilities, I wanted to go over the events of the day you were injured.”

“Mind if I sit down?” Tony asked as went to sit down at a kitchen chair.

“No.”

Pulling out a folder from his briefcase. “I have reviewed all the reports filed and spoken with Agent Dorneget and Agent Jones, you were in control of the interrogation and the suspect is that correct.”

“Agent Dorneget and I interviewed the suspect. I had the lead.”

“So how did he get away from you?”

“Agent Dorneget was taking the suspect Emmett McHale out of the room and Agent Jones was waiting to escort the suspect to holding while we waited for a warrant to obtain a sample of DNA. McHale got upset when he saw a picture of Mary and her partner Sarah, he pulled away pulled away from Agent Dorneget and in the ensuing scuffle I was pushed back over the chair with him on top and broke my leg, he hit his nose on the way down.”

“Agent DiNozzo as this was your case and you were the Senior Agent in that room you are responsible for what happened in interrogation. I have reviewed the tapes and you seem to have been channeling Gibbs, you baited the suspect, you knew he would go off when you showed him that photo, it may have gotten you the DNA sample you wanted, but you were not prepared for the aftermath and that mistake has cost you and NICS. You are not Gibbs and while he can get away pulling a stunt like this you can not.”

Tony felt his stomach tighten, he knew where this was going and it did not surprise him, Vance was just looking for an excuse to leave a black mark on Tony’s career.

“Agent DiNozzo, this is a letter of reprimand, it will be going in your official personnel file today.”

“Director, I will file my response to the reprimand.”

“Agent DiNozzo, its your right to file a response.”

Standing, as he pulled the toothpick out of his pocket and started to chew. Tony watched as the hated wood stick moved up and down as Vance spoke. “Agent DiNozzo, if you were not out on a workman’s comp injury I would have suspended you. I will expect you back on desk duty as soon as you are medically cleared, until then I do not want to see you at the Navy Yard, is that understood.”

“Yes, Director,” Tony said under his breath. He watched the Director gather this things and let himself out, as the door closed Tony laid his head on the table and took a deep breath, what he really felt like doing was to pick up something and throw it, grabbing the glass sitting next to him on the table he flung it at the wall, sending shards of glass flying. 

Tony leaped up, using the table for support as the door opened again, “Tonio, man, what the hell was that about?”

“Sebby, what are you doing here?”

“Came to talk to you about Braden, he’s a pretty scary guy and I want to make sure I have all the information first hand. So what’s with the toothpick?” he said, nodding his head toward the door.

“Vance just wanted to let me know he filed a formal reprimand for losing control of the suspect and getting my leg broken.”

“That ass. Does know what happened?”

“Oh yeah, he reviewed the recordings and has the reports from Ned and Rick Jones, yeah he knows but he’ll do anything to bust my balls.”

“Here let me get this glass cleaned up for you, before you get cut and I need to drag your ass to the emergency room for stitches.”

Sitting at the table with two fresh cups of coffee, Tony and Sebby reviewed the information Sebby had dug up on the McHale’s

“I’m impressed you were able to pull all of this together, didn’t think you remembered how to work a case alone since you became a Fed.”

“Funny Sebby, even with a team it’s the leg work that usually closes cases and then just need to connect the dots.” 

“You are the best I know at that Tonio, I never figured out how your brain works but this was good work.”

“Thanks, I have one favor to ask?”

“Sure name it.”

“Look, I promised Sarah, Mary’s partner that I would find out where Mary is buried, the family did not approve of their relationship and Sarah wasn’t allowed to attend the funeral, think you can get that info for me.”

“Sure Tonio, no problem, damn messed up shit, Mary was dead, what harm would it do to have Sarah there.”

“Yeah its messed up, but I want to do right by Mary and Sarah, if you call me with the info I’ll pass it on to Sarah.”

“Give me till Wednesday, with court, I’m not sure I’ll have time to get to it sooner. Hey do you think Mary’s parents will come for the trial if we arrest Emmett?”

“No idea, I never spoke with them.”

“Tonio what are you going to do about the job? I know I’ve asked before, but we could use you at Metro. We’d treat you right, not like all that crap, bullshit you get from Gibbs and The Toothpick.”

“I don’t know yet, not sure going back is the right thing to do, but I don’t think I’m ready to leave yet.”

“Why not?”

“Complicated, I need to resolve a few things first if I can.”

“You mean with Gibbs.”

“Can’t hide anything from you can I.”

“Know you to well Tono.”

“He is a big part of the complications.”

“What has he said about all this,” pointing to Tony’s leg and the copy of the reprimand on the table.

“Not sure he knows. He left for California with Tim before this happened, I haven’t heard from either of them since they left. It’s possible Vance told him but my guess is he’ll surprise Gibbs when he gets back.”

“But you didn’t call either?”

“You know how it’s been between us, he barely talks to me, I’ve tried talking to him but I don’t even know what to say anymore. At work he ignores me, treats me lower than a Probie. Sebby I think that I’m out, you know I always planned on taking the team when Gibbs retires, at least I thought that had always been Gibbs intention, but I don’t thinks so any more. Like with this trip, Gibbs is partnering with Tim more and more. To make it worse, partner’s with Tim and is giving him the lead on cases, while I train the Probie or get left behind.”

“Listen Tono, you’ve done enough, don’t you think it’s time to move on. Metro would love to have you.”

“I can’t do that Sebby, look at me, I’m 45, not sure I could go back to being a detective again and you know most of the younger guys would resent my being there and most of the guys our age are looking to retire. I could look for Captain’s or Police Chief opening but it’s not what I want and besides Fornell at the FBI, has tried to lure me away for years, but he’s Gibbs best friend, shit they even have an ex-wife in common. Sebby, I just don’t know, don’t know what to do if I leave.”

“Well,” looking at his watch, “I need to get back to the station, think about what you might want and I’ll put out some feelers. Need anything else before I go?”

“I’m fine, just let me know about Mary when you can, I’m going to lock my door and go back to bed.”

“Ok Tonio, remember you got lots of friends.” Pulling Tony into a hug, he patted his friend on the back.


	8. Chapter 8

**_Chapter Eight:_ **

Entering his apartment, Tony slammed the door behind him will all the force he could give it, maneuvering on his crutches into his kitchen, he grabbed the metal meat mallet and smashed his cell phone to pieces. His body shaking with anger he hopped to his bedroom; throwing clothes and whatever else he would need into his backpack. Without looking back he stormed out to the waiting cab.

To avoid anyone tracking him he had the driver drop him off at a crowed street corner, working his way into a convenience store he picked a couple of go phones, right now he need to get lost. Making a few phone calls, Tony grabbed a bus and after a few more changes of direction he was picked up by a van with tinted windows in an area that he knew had no video cameras.

Without a word he sat with his head against the darkened windows, not only was his leg killing him, but his arms ached from hours of hopping all over the city. A gentle shake woke him, struggling to get out of the van, a warm hand guided him; the smell of the ocean surrounded him as stopped to listen to the breaking waves.

Getting settled in the beach house didn’t take long and even though he had slept most of the two and half hour trip from Washington, D.C. he fell asleep on the sofa, shortly after he was handed by the one person he could not argue with, a pain pill and glass of water

He was not sure if it was the urge to use the bathroom or the smell of baking lasagna that woke him, struggling to get up, his crutches were handed to him and he headed to take care of business.

His stomach grumbled as he sat on one the high backed stools that were lined up at the white granite top kitchen island.

In silence another glass of water was placed in front of him and he watched as a salad was prepared and the lasagna was removed from the oven to firm up before eating.

“Are we eating alone?” he asked

His companion and savior gave him a small smile, “No, he should be here soon. When are you going to tell us what this is all about?”

“I don’t have the energy to say it more than once, so I promise after dinner I will explain everything.”

“Ok, I guess I can wait, lov you Tony,” a muffled voice said into his ear as he found himself engulfed in a warm hug, with a kiss placed on the top of his head.

After dinner, Tony made his way back to the sofa; with a little assistance he made himself comfortable with his leg propped up on a pillow.

Looking up, he focused on the red wine swirling around and around, stopping only when the glass was brought to lips that slowly sipped. “Are you going to tell us now Tony, you call out of the blue, have me pick you up in a dark ally like something out a spy novel, you only have burn phones on you and you didn’t tell anyone that you left.”

Rubbing his tired eyes, he ran his hand down his face, cupping his chin, as he rubbed the day old stubble. “You already know I broke my leg, with Gibbs and McGee in California, I worked on cold cases. I brought a suspect in and after the interrogation, when he was being moved back to holding he got agitated and attacked me. I tripped over a chair with him on top and broke my leg in the fall. Director Vance showed up at my apartment on Friday to give me a formal written reprimand for failing to control a suspect in the building. I was cleared to go back on desk duty today and all things considered I was pretty happy to go back. When I got there, Vance was waiting for me with two security officers, he asked for my gun and badge, told me he had changed his mind after reviewing all the statements and video again, he decided that a written reprimand was not enough, he was now formally suspending me for two weeks….,”shaking his head, he worked to control the anger he felt rise inside, taking a deep breath, he looked down as he continued in a voice so soft the two people in the room had to strain to hear, “He not only, suspended me but he demoted me.”

“What!” rang out in unison.

“He said that since I would not be able to fulfill my duties as Senior Field Agent because of my own negligence. He had decided it was time to move someone else into the position,” pausing to take a deep breath, “He said he had discussed it with Gibbs several times and Tim McGee would be promoted on their return. After my suspension, I would be back on the team only if Gibbs allowed it.”

Grabbing a pillow he buried his face to hide the pain and tears he could no longer control.

“Tony, we are so sorry, have you talked to Gibbs?”

Looking up at the sympathetic faces of his friends,

“No Brad, things have been difficult between us, he doesn’t want to be near me, never talks to me anymore, gives me the grunt work. Vance is right, Gibbs has been giving Tim more and more responsibility, letting him take the lead and partnering with him on assignments, I think they’ve been preparing Tim to take over my position for a while now.”

Emma came down and sat down next to Tony, “I’m so sorry Tony, when we first met you, Gibbs seemed to really care, Brad couldn’t stop him from barging into isolation and he gave you the same look Brad gave me when he asked me to marry him.”

“That was a long time ago Emma, so much has changed since then, I don’t think he cares anymore.”

“Tony, have you thought of moving on?” Brad asked. “It’s been a while since we’ve seen you happy, your health is taking a hit and not just the broken leg, as your friend and Doctor I’m worried. You did a great job getting fit last year, losing weight and participating in that triathlon, but now you have a little wheeze in your chest, your not sleeping, and honestly I think you’ve been drinking too much.”

Emma looked over at her husband as she put a hand on his arm to get his attention, “Not now Brad, Tony needs our support not our criticism”

“Tony I’m sorry, I just want you to be happy, but staying at NCIS is just bad for you. You’ve got the beach house until it’s time to go back to D.C., Emma is going to stay with you for a couple of days, I have to go back to work tomorrow but I’ll be back in three days. Take the time to think about what you want to do.”

“Tony, Brad and I will support you, but I agree that it maybe time for you to move on.”

Without a word, Tony looked up and nodded in agreement, getting up he went to his room and closed the door.

Hugging her husband, “I hate to see him so down.”

“Yeah, me too, even after the plague, he bounced back faster then I thought he would, his lungs are scared but he’s never let that stop him, even after Kate was killed, he coped better with his grief.”

“He had Gibbs and his team behind him then, now it feels as if he’s lost them. Can’t imagine what it must be like to see Gibbs everyday and see the relationship drift further apart.”

“It’s not like they were ever a couple, Tony’s never told him how he feels and Gibbs, well Gibbs is just Gibbs.

“They may have not been a couple Brad, but they had a good relationship. Remember when we first started working together,” Emma said as she kissed her husband, “We made a great team, I looked forward to seeing you everyday and even when you were dating what’s her name….?”

Brad gave his wife a puzzled look, “Yeah Brad, you remember her that nurse in the ICU with the big boobs that wore her scrub tops a little too tight,” nodding Brad smiled at his wife as he envisioned the tight top. “Brad,” Emma called out gently slapping her husband’s arm.

“Hey, you brought her up, so what about her.”

“Well it’s not really about her, I just wanted to point out that during that time I already liked you a lot and you did not seem to notice me, I was happy to spend time with you and work by your side, we were a good team and I knew that you might never see me as more then a colleague” her voice became sultry, “I’m glad you did.”

“I’m glad I did too, but how does this relate to Tony and Gibbs?”

“Honey, Tony was happy staying by Gibbs side as long as Gibbs gave him some attention, Tony never expected anything to come of it, hell he doesn’t even know if Gibbs plays for both teams, but it didn’t matter, he was by his side, and in the field they protected each other. Like in surgery, you have to trust your team to be there for you, a mistake can cost a life, well it’s the same for Tony and Gibbs they trusted each other fully, a lack of trust could cost a life, now Tony feels as if he has lost Gibbs trust and in turn Tony has lost his trust in his team, can you imagine going into surgery, with doubt in the ability of your team, if you thought that your surgical assistant was a quack and you could not depend on them as you hold a heart in your hand, it’s like that for Tony, out in the field, he’s on his own now. It’s killing him Brad and it kills me to see this happen.” Wiping tear she buried her face in to her husband’s chest as he held her tight.

“He’s not alone Emma, he’s not alone.”

“No, we just have to get him to believe it.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine:**

Gibbs was glad that the operation was now over, Hattie’s team in L.A. would finish rounding up all the players. He felt dirty infiltrating the network of traffickers by offering to supply under aged girls. McGee helped setting up dummy websites and photo’s of the girls in his ‘stable’ for sale. It was disgusting work that kept them working 24/7.

What was expected to be a week or two-long operation, had taken a month as they realized the depth of the organization. Between Tim and Hattie’s team working the computers, they had been able to trace where the girls were being held and track down the buyers. In the end they had identified and arrested 15 men on base from an E3 Seaman to a Lieutenant Commander, along with a 5 civilian employees and from the community the FBI was still tracking down those who had used the online service to hire girls. They also arrested 5 men and 2 women who were keeping the girls housed in a warehouse. With the multi-agency task force in place, they raided a warehouse, 20 girls, ages 15-22, were rescued. Some were runaways; some brought in from Peru, India and the Philippines. Child Protective Services had taken charge of the minors, and the older girls were with an agency that provided support and housing to victims of trafficking. The murdered young woman was killed because she had tried to runaway that night. They had dumped her back in the Petty Officer’s room as a lesson for the other girls. The month spent in California had been well worth it but he was happy to be heading home tomorrow.

Picking up his cell, he started to call DiNozzo but hung up before the call went through. Tony would be asleep as it was 1am on the East Coast. He also realized that if he were still pissed, it would not be a good time to talk. At the debriefing with Vance this afternoon, Vance had informed him that his Agent had broken his leg losing control of a suspect in interrogation of all places and had been written up. Vance would not give him the details, indicated he would fill him in when he returned tomorrow. Gibb’s knew Vance was pushing for changes on the team and this was the opening he had been looking for.   Throwing his phone on the bed, he thought DiNozzo had damned himself this time and he might not be able to save him. Looking at possibly six months out of the field, he wasn’t sure Tony would have a position to come back to when his leg healed.

Fuck he was angry. He could lose his best agent. He wanted to wring DiNozzo’s neck, how could he be so stupid, getting hurt working a cold case. The man did not listen. He had made it very clear, that he expected DiNozzo to stay out of trouble while they were gone. Still, Gibbs saw no reason to move Tim up to SFA, DiNozzo would be on desk duty, still able to complete all his paperwork but he was pretty sure he would have to do battle with Vance over this. His gut was screaming that Vance had already done something he would not like.

As soon as he could he called Ducky, he had been all too happy to fill him in on the details Vance left out and the extent of Tony’s injury. Ducky encouraged him to call his injured Agent.

He had wanted to call, but stopped himself each time. He knew his words would come out angry and insensitive. He just wanted to get home and see for himself that Tony was Ok. His last words to his agent, before leaving for California, had not been kind and he still remembered the hurt look on Tony’s face as the elevator closed. He was not sure he could explain to Tony over the phone what he was feeling, why he kept pushing him away. He wondered if it was time to let Tony know how he really felt, but rule 12 was there for a reason.

He had crossed that line once with Jenny Sheppard and vowed never again. If he had not been blinded by their relationship, he might have seen that she had not completed her mission and maybe she would not have died in that gun battle in the California desert. Tony thought he blamed him for what happened and he had to an extent, but Tony had been an easy target.

It took him a while to realize he was really angry with himself. He was the one that let Jenny down. She should have come to him for help, not try to protect him. Long ago he should have made it clear to Tony that he was not to blame; he had been following her orders. Jenny knew what was going to happen and she was solely responsible for the outcome. Learning about her illness after the fact, made it clear to him, that Jenny planned her life, right to the end.

He had really lived up to his 2nd B over the years and sometimes he did not know why Tony stayed with him. When he had come back from Mexico, he had been a real prick. Taking the team back the way he did, dumping all of Tony’s things on his desk. He owed Tony advanced warning of his intentions. It had not been fair to any of them but most of all Tony, who held the team together. While McGee and Ziva seemed genuinely happy to have him back, Tony had just stood there with a shocked expression on his face; the little twitch in his jaw give away the anger and hurt he was holding back.

Now, he wanted to see Tony smile, to be happy, it had been a long time since he had seen anything but hurt in those green eyes. He had pushed Tony so far away he was not sure it was possible to pull him back. Once, he and Tony had been a team, working in sync, they communicated with just a look. Pairing Tony with Ellie Bishop seemed like a good idea, Bishop was new and needed to be with someone of Tony’s caliber, but it was just another of his damn excuses to keep Tony at a distance, McGee was a good agent and capable of mentoring a probie of his own.

Even if he tried to talk to Tony now, he wasn’t sure if Tony would even listen to him, it had been too long. Thinking back to the nights spent in his basement, Tony sitting on the stairs, sharing a drink and conversation, he wondered if they would find those moments again.

He didn’t even remember the last time Tony had come by his house. It might have been before he went looking for Ziva. Gibbs knew that Tony loved Ziva but not in the way that the others thought, Tony went to find her because he was loyal and caring, he would not have left her out there in danger; anymore then he did when they thought she had died, even though she had blamed him for Rivkin’s death. In Israel, she asked him to choose between herself and Tony, staying behind when he made his choice. Tony had been upset when he found out, offering to leave the team for her. It didn’t matter that she had assaulted him, knocking him to the ground, reinjuring his broken arm and pushing a loaded gun into his chest and leg.

Ziva should never have been on the team in the first place, Jenny had been out of line making those arrangements with Eli David and he never knew how she got it past SecNav. Ziva had played him and he let her stay even when it was clear she was feeding information to her father. He had seen in Ziva a daughter; she was close to the age Kelly would be if she had not died so young and he let her manipulate him. He watched as she put Tony down, going to dinner at her home, when he knew that she had purposely left Tony out. He even participated in taunting the younger man. Inwardly pleased at Tony’s reaction when he found out he was the only one not invited.

His jealousy got in the way. Ziva and Tony flirted, though Tony flirted with everyone. He wanted to ensure that nothing happened between them though he knew that it was all part of the mask Tony showed the world. Tony never took anyone home and rarely dated, he was a master of deflection and letting others see what he wanted them to see. He had done such a good job that night no one, not even Ducky had realized the extent of his injury; taking Ziva’s word that Tony’s injury was caused by a big splinter. Two days later when Tony spiked a fever and was admitted for 3 days for IV antibiotics, he found out it had been a gunshot wound.

He didn’t know what the hell to do with his feelings. His desire for the handsome younger man made him mad, he’d been with a few men in the past but never planned on falling in love with one. He was a Marine, a Special Agent; there was no place in his life for a relationship with a man. As his feeling for Tony grew so did his anger and he pushed Tony away.

Things between them really started to fall apart after Tony’s stint as Agent Afloat, it was bad enough Tony felt it was punishment but it was only after he got his own feelings under control did he start his campaign to get his 2IC back. He did not even know how the time away impacted Tony, he never asked, but he knew from Abby and Ducky that being shipped out without any warning or goodbyes, from Gibbs and the team had hurt. Bringing Ziva and Tim home first reinforced Tony’s feeling of abandonment. Getting the team back together did not fix things, only years of practice working as a team, kept things moving in the bullpen.

The whole Domino affair had been a clusterfuck; Tony made it clear just how angry he had been to be left out of the loop. He had sported a bruise on the side of his face and suffered a minor concussion when he’d been hit with the rife. As the Senior Field Agent, Tony had been blamed for fighting back when they got caught even though it was Ziva who did not stand down. Vance tried to put a written reprimand in Tony’s file but only agreed to a verbal reprimand, when he pushed the issue and threatened to write Ziva up too. Vance let Ziva slide, not holding her accountable for her actions.

Picking up his phone, he looked at Tony’s number again, no matter what his heart wanted, he would not, could not tell Tony how he felt. Tony deserved better than a broken down Marine, with too many failed marriages. He’d been selfish to keep Tony close all these years, betting on his loyal nature to keep him on the team. Gibbs knew what Tony had turned down over the years to stay by his side, for what? He didn’t give Tony much of anything except a hard time and maybe a headache or two. He’d been hard on Tony from the beginning, didn’t want anyone to see how he really felt. Tony should have left a long time ago, but maybe it was time to stop being an ass. Even if he could not express his feeling fully, he needed to start treating Tony with the respect he deserved.

The discarded phone on the bed started to play the Marine Corp Theme; Abby had set it up for him, grabbing the phone, “Gibbs.”

“Jethro, pardon for the call at this late hour. I do hope I did not wake you.”

“No Ducky, just packing. How’s DiNozzo?”

“That was what I wanted to discuss you Jethro, Director Vance took it upon himself to suspend Anthony.”

“He did what?”

“Anthony was medically cleared for desk duty starting this past Monday, he is still on crutches but managing amazingly well. Director Vance was waiting for Anthony when he came in and gave him a two-week suspension. Jethro, he had security escort Anthony out.”

“And they think I’m a bastard. How did DiNozzo take it?”

“Jethro, I can not say as we seem to have lost Anthony.”

“How? What, the hell is going on back there? Where did he go?”

“Jethro, I assumed, we all assumed he had gone home. Mr. Palmer and Agent Dorneget have been assisting Anthony. Each received a message from Anthony, asking that they give him a few days alone, since he has food at home and was doing well they respected his request. When Agent Dorneget learned you and Timothy would be back tomorrow, he tried to contact Anthony. Not able to reach him, he stopped by Anthony’s apartment. Anthony was not home.”

“Damn it Ducky, where the hell is he?”

“I wish I knew Jethro. Agent Dorneget found Anthony’s cell phone smashed and left in pieces on the kitchen counter. Anthony’s neighbor’s said he left in a taxi with a small bag about 11 am on Monday. Her daughter has been feeding Anthony’s fish. Anthony told her he would let her know when he returned as he was not sure when he would be back. If it were anyone but Anthony, I would think, it would be difficult to disappear with crutches and a cast, but our young man is very resourceful and skilled. I do not think we will find Anthony until he wants us to.”

“Duck, we have a flight out of here at 6:00am, with the time change won’t get in to the Navy Yard till about 3, I’m going to wake up McGee and see if he can get us out sooner.”

“Jethro, that young man is hurting, if you do not handle this correctly, you will loose him. I am not sure he can handle any more of your rather nasty attitude toward him.”

“I know Duck, I know, promise I only want to make things right.”

“I do not doubt your sincerity Jethro, but after so many years of pushing him away, making him your scapegoat, do you even remember what it is like to treat Anthony with respect.”

“Duck.”

“I will keep you informed Jethro, please let me know what time you expect to arrive tomorrow.”

Hanging up without responding, Gibbs sat on the bed and put his head down, running his hands with agitation through his hair. He was not really worried about Tony, he would go off somewhere and lick his wounds, but he really wanted to hurt Leon Vance. His reactive nature wanted to call Leon now, but he knew that to help Tony he needed to stay in control.

Lying back in the bed, he dialed and woke his junior agent, “Tim, need to get home now, find me a flight.” Tim had worked with him for too long to expect an explanation or civil conversation. Now he just had to figure out what the hell he was going to do.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter does contain gay bashing, vulgar talk about women, talk of rape, assault.
> 
> Thank you for reading, leaving Kudos and comments. I try to respond to each comment, but not always able to do so promptly.

**_Chapter Ten:_ **

 Sitting on the back deck, looking out at the ocean for most of the last week, Tony had time to honestly reflect on his life. Self deception was a wonderful thing, but it was time to take the blinders off, time he stopped deceiving himself, he was an idiot to have stayed with Gibbs for so long. He had been feeling sorry for himself for too long, had let himself be demoralized, he could spend the rest of his life blaming his father, Gibbs, the team, Vance, society for the homophobia that kept him from living his life the way he really wanted too, but ultimately he was responsible for the decisions that led him to this point.

Spending time with Emma helped, she listened to him and helped him get a new perspective. He had needed to talk to someone who saw the real him, and wasn’t enmeshed in the minutiae of his life at NCIS. Emma had asked what he want his life to say about him when he was an 80 year-old man, what kind of man did he want to be, what would he regretted not doing. She reminded him that while his past was part of him, it did not have to control him, he controlled his life, he could be that 80 year old man that looked back at his life without regret. She told him to make a plan, lay out the steps, make the changes to be that man. She had left with a lot to think about, but most importantly she had empowered him. He had wallowed in self pity for too long, had spent his life hiding his true self, it was time to take his life back, playing the oversexed frat boy wasn’t working for him and he did not like who he was becoming. Emma was right, it would not be easy but it was time to take the first steps. He still had another week of suspension and tomorrow he would head back to D.C. with Emma. Brad had spent a few days with them but his work schedule did not allow for the whole week off.

The week at the beach had also allowed him to relax as Emma pampered him, making sure he ate and slept. He was ready to face Gibbs, Vance and his future but first he had a promise to keep.

Sebby kept him up to date on the case, he was the only one who knew where he was and had the number for the burn phone. He had smashed his cell phone before leaving. Ned, Sebby and Jimmy knew he would be gone, but he wanted them protected if pressured by Director Vance or Gibbs to reveal his whereabouts.

Sebby was frustrated that Braden McHale was still missing but Emmett was back in custody. They had finally gotten the results of the DNA from Agent Mo Cabot, Mo and her team had been taken over the case. The results had been a match for Emmett McHale and the second set of semen found, had a close familial relationship. Emmett and Braden McHale had raped Mary Rice. Sebby agreed with Tony that it was likely they had done this to other women, so he was running the results through unsolved rape cases of lesbian women from Baltimore to Atlanta.

Sebby had also tracked down the location of Mary’s grave, she had been buried in an old cemetery in Georgia just outside her hometown of Americus, according to Sebby her grave was little more than a paupers, her remains laid to rest in an indigent section, surrounded by unclaimed remains the County had been forced to dispose of. Her family had not given her the decency of a stone to mark her final resting place, even though she was entitled to a military headstone.  

Tony called Sarah, they arranged for her to pick him up on Sunday and they would make the drive down to Georgia together. Tony figured that with even with the cast on his left leg he might be able to help with the driving as long as her car was an automatic and he did not have to worry about a clutch.

Saturday evening Tony arrived home to find several messages on his answering machine. Ducky had called to see how he was doing and if he was following doctor’s orders to rest while he had the time off.

Abby called, she was upset that that he had not called her to inform her about his suspension and that he was breaking Gibbs rule 3, ‘Never be Unreachable’. She had called back several times with the last message time stamped yesterday about 3 pm, letting him know that Gibbs and Tim had wrapped up the case in LA and would be back on Monday. She ranted that Gibbs was going to be upset that he could not stay out of trouble but that Gibbs would fix everything when he got back.

Abby had magical thinking when it came to Gibbs; in her mind he was all-powerful and could just wave his coffee cup and everything would be all right.  Gibbs could not fix what was wrong, as he was part of the problem not the solution. Tony had no doubt that Gibbs would blow a gasket when he found out not only about his suspension but also demotion.

Tony was glad that he had made plans with Sarah and she able and willing to go to Georgia and visit Mary’s grave this coming week. Sarah would be here to pick him up in the morning, it would take about 9 hours to drive to the small Georgia town, but tomorrow they would only drive about 6, as Sarah would be driving from Havre de Grace in Maryland, she would need to get up earlier to make the 2 hour drive to his house. On Monday they would drive the final 3 hours.

Tony unpacked and repacked with clean clothes. He went to bed glad that he would not be home waiting to get blasted by Gibbs,

At 8 am on Sunday, Sarah pulled up to Tony’s apartment, she was excited, after 10 years she would get her chance to say a proper goodbye to the woman she had loved, still loved. Tony opened the door and found himself in an embraced as Sarah carefully wrapped her arms around him in a gentle hug.  

“I can’t thank you enough Tony,” she said with her face buried in his shoulder.

“You don’t have to thank me Sarah, I am glad that you finally get a chance to visit.” Pushing her carefully away as he leaned on one crutch. “Help me get my stuff and we can get on the road or do you want some coffee and the bathroom first.”

“I would love a cup of coffee and if you point me to the bathroom I’ll take care of business first.”

With their bags secured, travel mugs full of fresh coffee in hand, Tony made himself as comfortable in the big SUV which gave him plenty of room to stretch his leg. Once on 95 south Tony with a paper map and the GPS plotted the route. Stops were planned every two hours to give Tony a chance to move around, as Brad had made him promise due to the risk of blood clots from sitting too long. Neither Tony nor Sarah noticed the dark blue pick up that pulled out behind them.

**_NCISNCISNCISNCIS_ **

Braden McHale was an angry man, he was on run, his brother Emmett was in custody, and the man he blamed for putting him there would pay. Getting the Agent’s address had been easier than he thought, as one of his brothers in the movement was an officer with the Richmond Police Department. With his help he had been able to evade the police.

Watching the Agent struggle to get into the SUV with his broken leg, Braden smiled, he recognized the bitch that was helping him; it was that other carpet muncher. Emmett had been really upset when he’d seen those bitches kissing in the doorway one morning. He had called him yelling, “What the fuck did they think they were doing, with kids outside at the bus stop, it was disgusting and they need to be taught a lesson?” Together they decided to show that disgrace to the uniform, what a real man was all about.

He and Emmett had been hanging out, drinking beers when the saw that bitch come home that afternoon. Emmett knew she was good with cars and on the pretext that he needed help with his car; the two brothers went over and managed to get into the apartment. They had no intending of killing her, it was not something they has planned but after they both took turns showing her what a real dick in her pussy could do, Emmett had slowly strangled her. She had not gone easy, fighting both big men; leaving her alive was not an option, as she knew Emmett and could identify both of them.

Staying far enough back, so as not to be noticed, Braden watched the big silver SUV pull off the highway and into the parking lot of one of the numerous chains of cheap motels that sat near the highway. It was only 7, but the two had made numerous stops. His luck holding, he watched them pull up front, the Bitch go out and went into the office coming out several minutes later and driving around the back, both entered a room on ground level.

The motel was pretty vacant and with a little more patience he would some fun tonight. On the seat next to him he had several rolls of duck tape, a couple of knives, his Smith and Wesson 45 automatic in its shoulder holster and his favorite weapon, a 44-40 sawed off shotgun. He had loved westerns as a kid and Steven McQueen in Wanted: Dead or Alive was his hero; his shotgun resembled the Mare’s Head McQueen carried in the show.   It was also easy to conceal and while it only had two rounds, it would be enough of a threat to get an injured federal agent and the woman under his control. Pulling into a parking space that let him keep a eye on the room he got out and stood in the shadow of the trees to wait.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**_Chapter Eleven:_ **

Gibbs stormed into the bullpen, throwing his bag on the floor next to his desk and ran up the stairs to the Directors Office, without stopping to be acknowledged he plowed his way into the room.

“Where the hell is My Agent?”

“Agent Gibbs, I congratulate you on the excellent work you did in California.” Vance had worked with this man for too many years, he had anticipated that this is the way Gibbs would react and was prepared when security called to warn him. Through trial and error he found it best to ignore the outburst and went for diversion. Gibbs had worked hard on this case and he had a soft spot, when kids where involved. Getting him talking about the case would give him a chance to cool off enough that, when the conversation came back to DiNozzo, as it would they could have a reasonability adult discussion.

“You know it went well Director.”

“I’ve read the reports, now I like to hear about all the things that happened that got left out.”

“Later Leon, I want to know why you suspended Tony?”

“Might as well take a seat Gibbs.”

Reaching into his desk he pulled out a file and handed Gibbs the reports.

Reading through quickly, Gibbs looked up, “Seems to me Tony did a great job on this case.”

“Not saying he didn’t Gibbs, but look at the tapes from interrogation.”

The two men watched in silence as Tony questioned McHale, the tapes cutting off as Ned and Rick Jones came in. “Nothing I see there warrants a suspension Leon.”

“That’s not all, this is the security tape from the hall cameras. You can see Agent Dorneget and Agent Jones start to leave the room with McHale, you see Tony approach him and show him something. It was a picture of Mary Rice and her partner Sarah in an embrace. Agent DiNozzo knew McHale would react this way and he gambled that he could get a DNA sample if McHale came after him. I suspended him because it was a dangerous stunt and he didn’t execute it well, he should have been prepared for McHale to act out, especially if that is what he hoped for. I also wanted him out of here while he recovered.”

“You didn’t need to do this, I want him re-instated as soon as possible.”

“Not going to happen, the two week suspension is going to stick”

“Why Vance, why do you always have it out for Tony.”

“I have nothing against Agent DiNozzo, he is not the type of Agent I see as the future of this agency but he has proven his worth, but he is not you and I will not have Agent DiNozzo or anyone else in this agency think they are above the rules, I have a hard enough time with you and while Agent DiNozzo is good, he isn’t you.”

“Thank God for that Leon, but you are wrong, Tony is much better than I am.”

“Funny way of showing it Gibbs, don’t think I did notice the tension on your team, the way you ignore Agent DiNozzo, rarely take him into the field with you. You know I wanted to give Agent McGee an opportunity for more experience but you are the one who has made your Agent feel like he has no place on your team.”

“Tony and I will work out our issues, I don’t want him off my team, there is no one I trust more.”

“Gibbs I gave him some breathing room, he’s going to be mad at me, along with his two week suspension I demoted him and McGee will take over the position of Senior Field Agent.”

Getting on his feet and pounding his hand on the desk, “Leon, you had no right, you can’t do that.”

“I can and I did, look Gibbs I know I should have spoken with you but this is the last thing you needed while dealing with that undercover case, besides I think this will benefit Agent DiNozzo in the end, he has been stuck in your shadow for too long. If Agent DiNozzo wants to stay at the end of all this and you want him back I will find a position for Agent McGee that will let him continue to grow. You can’t keep them with you forever Gibbs. Agent DiNozzo should have left years ago, he was ambitious and pushed to move up quickly, but he got stuck along the away and damn if I’m going to let that happen to McGee.”

“Leon, you don’t know Tony like I do, this isn’t the way to handle him, he’s not going to understand what you are doing. He’s going to think you are pushing him out. I know the way I’ve been acting doesn’t help and now he’ll just think we are working together. Damn it Leon, you should have talked to me first.” Gibbs paced around the room, rubbing his hand through his hair, turning he came back to stand in front of Leon. “You better hope we can fix this Leon.”

“And maybe its time you started treating him like a seasoned Federal Agent, Gibbs.”

“I will Leon, I will, just need to find him first.”

“What do you mean find him?”

“Ducky said that Dorneget and Palmer were helping him out, but after you suspended him he took off.”

“Took off where?”

“They don’t know, he left his smashed cell phone on his counter, some of his personal items were gone. Ducky thinks he took off and doesn’t want to be found.”

“Should we be concerned?”

Heading for the door, Gibbs glanced back and said, “Oh yeah, we should be concerned.”

 

_NCISNCISNCSNCISNCIS_

Tony was beat, after eight hours on the road his leg was killing him, walking into the motel room he threw himself down on the bed.

Sarah walked in after him carrying their bags. “Tony do you have anything for pain?”

“I have a some ibuprofen in my bag, it you can get me two that would be great.”

“Ok,” pulling out the bottle and bringing him a glass of water, Sarah handed him the pills as she sat down on the bed next to him.

“Are you sure you want to share rooms?”

“Not a problem for me Sarah, remember I’m a Special Agent, you don’t know how many times I have to share rooms with my co-workers, both male and female.”

“I just don’t want to put you out, you have already done so much for me.”

“Hey, it’s not as if we are going to be here long, figure we can get an early start tomorrow, plus as much as I hate to admit I could use some help with this leg.”

Plopping herself on her bed. “Before we get too comfortable, I should run out and get us some dinner. Do you have any requests?”

“I think we passed a barbecue place.”

“We did, it’s about a quarter mile back.” Pulling out her phone, “Here I found it they have a menu on line, do you see anything you might want.” Handing him her phone so he could see.

“Get me a pulled pork sandwich with slaw and a large coke.” Taking out his wallet he went to hand her some money.

“No, I’ve got this Tony, you are already doing so much for me. I’m going to head out, I’ll leave you to pick a movie for us.” She smiled at him as she grabbed the keys. “Call me if you need anything else. OK.”

“I’ll be fine Sarah and I have my burn phone, I’m going to check in with Sebby while your gone.”

“Ok, be back soon.” She waved back as she shut the door. Jumping into her SUV she never noticed the man watching her from shadows of the trees.

_NCISNCISNCISNCISNCIS_

Tony was tired, tired of dragging a heavy cast around, tired of using crutches, tried of hiding who he was, tired of loving someone who did not, could not love him, tired of his life in general. Spending the week with Emma and Brad and now on this little road trip with Sarah, he was free to be himself. He could joke around when he found another man attractive and he wasn’t judged. He was pretty sure that he would not be going back to NCIS after all this was over, he didn’t know what he wanted but he it was time he was true to himself. He had build his walls, worn his masks for too many years. They had served him well, protected him, but now he felt imprisoned by them. It took more and more energy to keep the façade in place. He had another week to think before his suspension was up and once he was back in D.C. he planned on spending some time exploring his options.

Not wanting to think about this anymore, he dialed Sebby. Sebby was the only one who knew where he was, he did not have a connection to NCIS and if Gibbs came back and decided to look for him, he wouldn’t be putting anyone in a difficult position as Sebby was not on Gibbs radar.   The call went to voice mail and Tony left a brief message, letting him know they were just outside of Charlotte, NC and would be outside Americus, GA tomorrow.

A knock on the door had Tony on alert as Sarah had the key but he did not think she was gone long enough. Grabbing his crutches he stood and worked his way to the door, leaning on one crutch he reached for his weapon, but there was nothing where his gun normally sat, as he had to turn in his badge and weapon when Vance suspended him. Calling out through the door, “Who is it?”

“Maintenance, I had gotten a work order to check the water temp in this room there was a compliant that the water was coming out cold.”

Not wanting to let anyone in Tony kept the door closed, “It’s ok, we’ll be gone in the morning and a cool shower won’t bother us.”

“Listen man, if I don’t get this done my boss will be one pissed off guy, he already has it out for me and I can’t lose my job. My wife is sick and I really need my job.”

Since no one except Sebby, knew where they were, Tony thought maybe he was just being paranoid; he could let the man in, keep the door open. Making a decision he unlocked the door and opened the door.

 


	12. Chapter 12

**_Chapter Twelve:_ **

Detective Sebby Fusco listened intently to the caller, “Are you sure?” “About what time was that?” “Did you get the make and color of the vehicle?” “Just one person in the car?” “Are you sure it was him?” “Tell me again where you saw him?” “Ok, Ok, I got it, thanks, I’ll get back to you.”

Hanging up the phone he quickly dialed another number, “Damn it, pick up!” He yelled into the phone, as the call went to voice mail, he ended the call and hit redial, again the call went voice mail, his gut screaming that something was not right, “Damn it Tony, pick up, Braden McHale was spotted near your apartment this morning, he could be following you. Be careful and call me back fast.”

Hanging the up the phone, he took a deep breath when his Captain came over, “What’s up Sebby? Something has you going.”

“Yeah, I just got a tip that Braden McHale was spotted in D.C. this morning, problem is that location places him near Agent DiNozzo’s apartment.”

“That’s the Agent that arrested his brother?”

“Yeah, problem is Tony left for Georgia this morning, I spoke to him about an hour ago and they had stopped outside of Charlotte for the night, now I can’t reach him. Something tells me Braden went after them.”

“Whose them?”

“Tony was taking Sarah Frasier the girlfriend of Mary Rice, the woman Braden and his brother raped and killed ten years ago, to visit Mary’s grave, Mary’s parents didn’t allow Sarah to go to the funeral.”

“And you think that Braden would go after them?”

“Yeah, I do, he’ll blame Tony and Sarah for Emmett’s arrest and he hates gay’s. I’ve got to find him before something happens.”

“Ok, then lets get to work, were did Tony say they were spending the night, we can call and get a unit out to the motel to check on them and warn them.”

“I’ll start with that, Captain and then I’ll call Agent Dorneget at NCIS, he’s a close friend of Tony’s and maybe he’s heard from him.”

“Now Agent DiNozzo is a Fed, won’t he be able to defend himself and Sarah?”

“Normally yes, but Tony has his leg in a cast and is on crutches.”

“All right, give me the info on the motel and I’ll get the locals on it, you call NCIS.”

**_NCISNCISNCIS_ **

 Sarah was thankful for Tony DiNozzo, she had long given up hope of finding Mary’s killer and she never expected she would have a chance to visit Mary’s grave.

The last ten years had been hard, she moved about trying to find a place to settle before moving to Maryland. She dated but her heart still belonged to Mary and the few women she had been involved with soon found it hard to compete with a ghost.

Sarah had become a work-a-holic, picking up extra hours, working two jobs, anything that kept her busy and gave her little time to think about just how lonely her life had become. Tony was the first person she felt connected to in a long time; from their first meeting he had seen her grief and was respectful of her relationship with Mary. In just the past few weeks Tony had become like a big brother to her. He was funny and kind and he carried his own pain.

Pulling back into the motel lot she parked a few doors down from the room as a big double cab pickup truck had taken the space in front of their room. Pulling the bag of food and grabbing the soda’s she headed to the room. Juggling the items in her arms she entered the room freezing in place at the sight before her.

**_NCISNICSNICS_ **

Ned ran into the bullpen and called out to Agent Jethro Gibbs as he started to enter the waiting elevator.

“Agent Gibbs, Agent Gibbs.”

Turning with an expression that could turn the bravest man to stone, “What is it Dorneget?”

“Sir, a hum Agent Gibbs, I’m worried about Tony, Agent DiNozzo.”

Without a verbal response, Gibbs just continued to stare at him.

“I ah, I had a call from a Sebby, ahm… Detective Fusco, he has been working the case of Braden McHale, you know the brother of the guy Tony brought in on that cold case, Detective Fusco thinks Braden maybe after Tony.”

Without speaking Gibbs headed back to his desk with Ned in tow, picking up his phone, “McGee, get back here now.” Hanging up before there was a response.

“Dorneget, get Detective Fusco on the phone.”

Ned dialed Sebby’s number, thankful that Tony had insisted that he be kept out of the loop; Gibbs would have skinned him alive if thought Ned had known were Tony was.

“Sebby, it’s Ned,” he started to speak into the phone when it was snatched out his hand.

“Detective, its Agent Gibbs, is Tony in danger?”

“Agent Gibbs, we believe he might be, Braden McHale was spotted near his apartment early his morning. “

Cutting the man off, “And you’re just calling now and where the hell is DiNozzo?”

“We had a tip called in an about 15 minutes ago, I’m at Tony’s building as we speak to look at the security tapes.” Pulling away from the phone, his voice continued to be heard as he spoke to someone.

“Detective, what the hell is going on?” Gibbs yelled into the phone.

“Look, Tony arrested Emmett McHale and the DNA results came back with a hit on both Emmett and his brother Braden. Both men have been under investigation for assault of several gay men up in D. C. We have been looking for Braden but he went to ground and hasn’t been seen in weeks. I got a tip that he had been seen near Tony’s place and ….Shit, shit, damn, he was here.”

“Who was where?”

“Braden, the outside cameras picked him up sitting in a pick up truck. Damn, I see Tony and Sarah pulling out of the parking lot in Sarah’s SUV, Tony has the window I can see him clearly, shit, Braden was parked across the street, looks like he followed Tony and Sarah.”

“Where are Tony and this Sarah going?” Gibbs yelled into the phone.

“Tony went to Georgia with Sarah Frasier to Mary Rice’s grave.”

“Why would Tony take her to Georgia.”

“Mary’s family would not tell Sarah were Mary was buried, Tony wanted to help and go with her.”

“Why wouldn’t they tell and why did Tony go?”

“Mary’s family did not approve of their relationship and if you have to ask why Tony would do something like this you don’t known him very well Agent Gibbs.”

Wanting to reach through the phone and head slap the detective, Gibbs held his anger as he had an agent to find. “Do you know where Tony is now Detective.”

“When I spoke with him a little over an hours ago, they had stopped for the night outside of Charlotte, he is using a burn phone, I’ve tried to call back him but he’s not answering, my Captain, is getting the local Leo’s to go over to the motel to check on them and to have Tony call me ASAP.”

“I want the number, name of the motel and info on this Sarah’s car.”

**_NICSNCISNCISNCIS_ **

Sarah walked into the room and froze. “Tony, Tony are you all right?”

Putting the food down quickly on the table, she knelt on the floor next to the bed, not sure what to do. She watched as Tony moved restlessly on the bed, his face glistening with sweat, he seemed agitated and while she could not make out what he was mumbling, it was clear he was having a nightmare.

Sarah knew he was a Federal Agent and didn’t know how he would react if she touched him. “Tony wake up, come on Tony, I’ve got the food, it sure smells good,” she said, hoping he would wake if she kept talking. Deciding to take a change she started to reach out her hand to touch his shoulder.

“Wouldn’t do that if I was you.”

The voice startled her and she jumped back.

“Let him be and get up slowly.”

Sarah’s heart was pounding as she realized the voice was coming from behind her.

Turning her head as she stood, a gasp escaped her lips, closing the door behind him stood a man that was built like a linebacker, taking a breath it came to her that she had not locked the door behind her when she rushed into the room. The sawed off shotgun in the man’s hand kept her frozen as she waited for his directions.

Without a word he pointed to a chair, as she approached he pushed her on her knees facing the chair, pushing his knee into her back, he held her in place. Pulling her head back by the hair he covered her mouth with a strip of duck tape, then pulling her one arm back, he wrapped duck tape around her wrist, then pulling her other arm back he taped her arms together.

“Don’t move Missy or that little fag on the bed is dead.” He whispered, dragging her up and throwing her into the bathroom, shutting her in.

Tying to hear what was happening, Sarah could hear the man say “Wakie, wakey, little pig.”

Tony sounded sleepy and disoriented, “What, what the hell is going on.” He must have recognized the man as he said, “Braden, what the hell do you want?”

“Oh, to teach you and your kind a lesson you little faggy pig and I want my brother released.”

“That’s not going to happen.”

“You better hope it does before I decide to show you how well I can roast a pig and I might just show that dikey bitch what a real man can do with his dick.”

“You don’t need her, you’ve got me, just leave her. Look I can’t do much and a federal agent is a better bargaining chip.”

“Not going to happen piggy, how stupid do you think I am, the Feds won’t give a fucking shit about you, but that girly, yeah they’ll want too protect her. Time to get moving. Remember, I don’t have a problem hurting you.”

“Where’s Sarah, what have you done with her?”

“Nothing yet little pig, but I have big plans."

Sarah’s thought she would pass out, breathing was getting harder and her heart was beating itself out of her chest, the sound of something breaking, started tears running down her face as she wondered if that man had killed Tony and while worried for Tony, she was did not want to be left alone with that man. He had a part in killing and raping Mary.

The bathroom door slammed open and she was dragged out of the room. Tony was no longer in the room the table with their dinner was knocked over and she was not sure if she saw blood or BBQ sauce on the floor.   Not given a change to look around she was dragged outside and thrown in the back passenger seat of the double cab pick, parked in front of their room. After buckling her into the seat, her legs were bound together at the knees with more duck tape. Tony was no were to be seen. All she could think of was that he had been killed and dumped his body in the wooded area surrounding the motel.

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

**_Chapter Thirteen:_ **

Gibbs sat waiting for Detective Fusco to get back to him. Tim and Bishop had pulled everything they could find on Braden and Emmett McHale. Mo and her team were on their way back in having picked up the case of Mary Rice from Tony.

No one doubted that Tony was in danger. The local police were on the way to the motel, they would provide Tony and Sarah with protection until he got down there to bring them back to D.C. His instinct was to jump in the car and go, but Vance had reeled him in, the police would get to Tony faster and ensure he was protected and Gibbs and his team needed to get read in on the McHale brother’s.

Not waiting for a second ring, Gibbs answered his phone, “Gibbs.”

“Agent Gibbs, we have a problem, the police went to the motel, Tony and Sarah aren’t there and it appears there was a struggle in the room, a table was knocked over and food on the floor. Their bags are still in the room and Sarah’s SUV is in the parking lot. The police are checking the woods around the motel.”

“McGee, find a way to Charlotte fast. Tony and Sarah are missing.” Gibbs called out to his team.

“Is he ok?” McGee asked.

“McGee, he’s missing of course he’s not ok.”

“Sorry boss.”

“Just get us a ride.”

“Agent Gibbs,” Sebby called into the phone, “I’m on my way to you, I want to go with you.”

“No.” Gibbs responded.

“Tony is my friend and I have been tracking McHale, I can help.”

“If McHale didn’t kill Tony and Sarah at the motel, then he has to be holding them somewhere. He followed them from D.C., he could have killed them or taking them before this. Why wait, unless he has a convenient place near there to take them. I need to know where, go through your records, find me that place and that is how you’ll help Tony.”

**_NCISNCISNCISNCIS_ **

Tony felt movement, but in the darkness he couldn’t see. His head hurt and he was pretty sure that was blood he felt dripping down his face, but with his hands tied behind him, he wasn’t able to wipe it away. He tried to roll, hoping to change the direction of the stream of blood as some dripped into his mouth, but he couldn’t move. There was something around his neck that felt like a collar and he was chained to the floor, the collar and chain effectively keeping him pinned.

He didn’t know where Sarah was, but he knew he was in a vehicle, what he was lying on was hard and metallic and he could feel the sway and bumps. Not able to make anything out in the darkness, he paid attention to the noises around him. Tony concluded he was most likely in the covered bed of pick up truck; the street noise and wind were too loud for a van.

He didn’t know how he got in the truck as he remember being woken, still disoriented from sleep and a bad dream, he wasn’t sure what he was seeing, as the barrel of a shotgun was pushed into his face with the man holding it calling out, _“Wakey, wakey, little pig.”_

Sarah had gone to get dinner and he had let the maintenance man in to check the hot water, the man had been in and out quickly. He then called Sully to let him know where they were staying and fell asleep. He remembered waking from a nightmare with something poking him in the side.

As his head cleared, he recognized the man that had woken him, _“What, what the hell is going on? Braden, what the do you want?”_

The big man with the shotgun backed up as he sat up and carefully swung his legs off the bed. Looking around he saw the bags of food on the table but Sarah was not there.

Braden called him a faggy pig and told him he wanted his brother released. He remembered telling him that was not going to happen, but it would be better if he released Sarah.

_“You better hope they release him, before I decide to show you how well I can roast a pig and I might just show that dikey bitch what a real man can do with his dick.”_

_“You don’t need her, you’ve got me, just leave here, look I can’t do much and a federal agent is a better bargaining chip.”_

_“Not going to happen piggy, how stupid do you think I am, the Feds won’t give a fucking shit about you, but that girly, yeah they’ll want to protect her. Time to get moving.”_

Tony had pointed to his crutches and McHale handed them over and motioned toward the door. Knowing that if he did not stop McHale here, they were really screwed, he put his weight on his good leg and swung at McHale with his crutch, unfortunately McHale grabbed it and yanked him off balance. He had knocked the table over, spilling the bags of food as he fell. The last thing he remembered was McHale swinging the crutch at his head before blacking out.

Awake and alert he hated being trapped, as the truck took a sharp turn, Tony felt his body slide, putting pressure on his neck, where he was held down by the thick collar and chain. His only hope was that Sully would get worried when he did not check in. Tony was worried and scared, even if Sully missed him in the morning and started a search, finding them would not be easy and realistically he didn’t think they would found before McHale had hurt or even killed them. He hoped Sarah was OK, hoped she had been left in the motel but he really didn’t think that was the case and that scared him most of all.

**_NICSNCISNCISNCIS_ **

Walking into the motel room, Gibbs glanced at his watch, it had taken more time then he had patience for, to work out the transportation, with Sully’s help they had gotten the Virginia State Police to bring them by helicopter from Fairfax VA to Danville, VA, where they were picked up by a helicopter from the North Carolina State Police and brought directly to the motel just south of Charlotte. The State Police had secured the crime scene at the motel and an NCIS team from Carolinas Field Office at Camp Lejeune arrived before Gibbs.

Gibbs experienced eye took in the scene, the motel had the standard set up, a small round table with two chairs in front of the window, a long dresser with a TV on top, two beds with a night stand in-between, in the back was an alcove with a sink, to the right an open closet and to the left a separate door to the tub and toilet. There was no sign of forced entry but the table had been knock over and containers of food from a restaurant up the street were strewn on the floor. The containers were full, indicating Tony and Sarah did not have time to eat before they were taken.

Both of Tony’s crutches where found on the floor, traces of blood and hair had been found on one crutch and spots of blood on the floor next to the overturned table. The double bed, closest to the door had been used, the covers pulled back and the pillows propped up. Two duffle bags and a backpack sat side-by-side and untouched on the other bed. The State Police had checked the restaurant and confirmed that Sarah had been in and purchased the pulled pork sandwiches and soda’s found all over the floor.

The State Police, had also identified Sarah’s SUV, it was still parked two spaces down from the room. A note with the location of the cemetery and plot number was in the cup holder. The vehicle was clean and did not yield any information aside from the fact that Sarah took good care of SUV.

The NCIS Agents at the scene speculated that McHale must have been watching and somehow came in shortly after Sarah returned with the food. It appeared that Tony had fallen or was pushed against the table, then was hit on the head with a crutch, as the hair on the crutch was short and matched Tony’s color. Gibbs gut told him the blood was also Tony’s, he did not need a test to confirm this.

The security camera’s from this side of the motel were not operational but from the one facing the entrance and exit they saw a dark blue Chevy CK 1500 with extended cab pull in shortly after Sarah’s SUV. The plate was not visible. Tim was working with Abby back in Washington, to gain access to traffic camera’s in the area.

The motel staff had been interviewed, but Gibbs had Bishop speak to them again. They had not seen Tony, as Sarah had registered for the room while Tony stayed in the vehicle. Fred, the motel maintenance man had seen Tony when he went in to check the hot water in the room. He reported that a man with a cast on his leg, had let him in but he had not seen any sign of the young woman. He had not given it much thought when the man had stood in the doorway leaning on his crutches while he was in the room. Fred had quickly finished his task but outside he had stopped for moment to look at a big pick-up with extended cab and covered bed parked in the space in front of the room. He had seen it earlier parked in the back of the lot, near the trees. The pick had caught his attention because he was thinking of buying one like this. Fred indicated he had never seen the driver of the truck, but the right front quarter panel had some damage. He had not noticed the plate on the truck.

Agent Tobias Fornell of the FBI and his team arrived shortly after Gibb, they were interested in the McHale brothers and the groups they had been affiliated with. The groups had been operating throughout the southeast, spreading antigay literature and attacking the GLBTQ community, were suspected in the fire bombing of gay club in Atlanta and a multitude of other hate crimes. Also as Fornell had been quick to point out, this case now involved the kidnapping of a Federal Agent and that fell under the purview of the FBI.

McGee and Bishop watched their Boss with concern; they knew that his relationship with Tony had been strained. McGee was hoping to repair his own friendship with Tony. He had seen Tony through the lens of a bullied teenager that could never live up to his father’s standards. He had been jealous and envious, when he thought Tony had grown up in a rich, loving family; he now knew just how wrong he had been.   

**_NCISNCISNCISNCIS_ **

Feeling the truck stop should have brought Tony relief but it left him wanting to throw up. While driving McHale could not do anything to hurt them, he had no idea what the man would do, but he was sure it would not be pretty. Tugging at the restraints in frustration he only served to cause himself pain.

The sound of the drivers-side door opening and slamming shut drew his attention, footsteps crunching on gravel walked around the truck and he heard the passenger-side door open, muddled voices filtered back but while he was not able to make out the words, he could tell one of the voices was female.

Two sets of footsteps receded into the distance and he was alone. This was his last chance to get away but there was no escape from the bindings, his wrists raw from his efforts. Even if he got loose with his leg, he would not get far, but if he had his hands free he could fight and fight he would if given an opening.  

A single set of footsteps returned to the truck and the snaps on the cover released.

Leaning over the truck bed, McHale was a shadow with the night sky behind him.

“Did the little Piggy have a nice ride?” reaching in he undid the rope that kept Tony’s head pinned to the truck bed. “You’re going to be a good little Piggy, ain’t ya or I’ll have to hurt that girl.”

“You’re going to kill us anyways,” Tony responded his voice hoarse from the pressure of the collar.

“Piggy, there is two ways to die, quick and easy or slow and painful, piss me off and you’ll see just how slow and painful I can make it.” McHale said as he walked to the back of the pickup and dropped the tailgate; without warning he grabbed Tony’s legs and dragged him out.

Tony felt himself being pulled but could do nothing to stop his momentum, clearing the tailgate, Tony fell and crashed hard on the ground, the wind knocked out of him, he lay stunned for a second as he smashed his head on the ground.  Awareness returned as Tony felt himself pushed over on his side with McHale wrapping a rope around his chest. Tony looked up saw a sick smile on McHale’s face.

“Little Piggy had a big fall, did you hurt yourself little Piggy,” McHale said in high-pitched voice like you would use when talking to a child or a dog. With the rope tied, McHale let him drop back on the ground. Tony could feel a firm tug, as McHale started to walk away, looking back he taunted, “Little piggy don’t think I’m going to carry your ass.”

Tony found himself dragged on the rough ground, his battered body felt every rock, his broken leg transmitting pain all the way up his body, at one point the edge of the cast got hung up a on rock, without stopping McHale gave him a hard tug and continued to drag him, Tony gritted his teeth to keep from moaning as the pain in his intensified. The rope cut into his chest and armpits as he was dragged and in the low light of the moon Tony could not make out any structures but he could not see where McHale was headed.

There was given a short reprieve when McHale stopped and the tension on the rope eased. Tony curled up on his side, heard the slide of a door behind him, than he was being dragged again. Tony knew he was in a barn; the single hanging blub left a circle of light surrounded by deep shadows. Tony tried to look around and hoped to see Sarah, but McHale opened another door and dragged him into a dirty stall that smelled of its previous occupants.

Not removing the rope around his chest, McHale pulled him up into a sitting position in the middle of the room, squatting in front of Tony, “Comfortable little piggy, don’t like your accommodations, I thought you’d love it, even smells like you.” Laughing the big man grabbed Tony by the collar still round his neck and clipped a leather lead that was attached to something over his head, to it. The lead coming down from above forced him to keep his body up or strangle himself if he fell over.   With his hands tied behind him and his broken leg, he could not stand to ease the tension.

Standing McHale grabbed the end of the rope and tied it off on a hook higher up on the back wall.

Tony wanted to say something, tell this man to go to hell, but his injured body could not take another beating, he kept his mouth shut and focused on finding a weak point that would allow him to rescue Sarah and allow them to escape.

McHale walked out shutting the stall door behind him, leaving Tony in complete darkness. Tony listened for any sounds, testing the bonds; he knew he would not escape on his own. The position was uncomfortable as he was forced to sit upright, the collar and lead kept him in the center of the stall and he was not able to use the wall for support. Blood dripped down from his head injury and he could feel blood run down his back being dragged on the gravel. He didn’t worry about infection setting in because he did not think he would live long enough, McHale was wanted by the NCIS, the FBI and multiple police departments and he had been implicated in other murders, so Tony did not think he would have any issues killing them.

Sarah was his major his concern at this time, he did not know were she was, Braden McHale and his brother Emmett had raped and killed Mary, Sarah’s partner and he feared Sarah would meet the same fate.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen:**

 

Gibbs, McGee and Bishop worked with Agent Fornell out of the FBI office in Charlotte. Tony and Sarah had been missing about 20 hours and they still had no clues, it was slow going reviewing all the information on the white supremacist and anti-gay groups that McHale had been know to associate with and it was possible McHale could be using a hide away that had no affiliation with any of these groups.

They continued to work off the assumption that McHale would have stayed within a 100, 150 miles of the motel, but it was also possible McHale had just kept going and was now halfway across the country. While they had no evidence that Tony and Sarah Frasier were still alive, Gibbs gut told him Tony wasn’t dead, he believed he would know if he was, just like his gut was telling him McHale had not taken them too far. McHale had reason for kidnapping them. If he had wanted them dead, it would have been easier to kill them at the motel, rather than drag them all over the state.

McGee tapped into traffic camera’s near the on and off ramps of the interstate, McHale’s truck was spotted getting onto the westbound on-ramp and picked up again about 10miles out, still going west, beyond that point you were outside the metropolitan area and camera coverage became very limited. While still endless possibilities to search, it gave them a direction to start looking.

Bishop reached out to her contacts at NSA and was able to get some additional information on groups the McHale brothers were associated with, she was also searching for properties in the areas of past activity within a 100 miles radius from the motel. Gibbs assigned her as liaison to Tony’s friend Detective Fusco, who was still in Washington, together they compared information and flagging any location that McHale could have taken Tony and Sarah.

Guilt and fear had Gibbs in over-drive. Only McGee and Fornell were able to approach him. Gibbs outward expression of anger and aggression was enough for the State Police and FBI Agents to keep their distance, even Bishop stayed out of his way.  

Gibbs was angry with himself, with McHale, with this screwed up situation. He was scared, scared that Tony might die never knowing how he felt about him. Scared that Tony might die thinking he no longer cared. Scared that he would not be able to make amends.

Faith in the team, faith in him had kept Tony alive in the past; when he was chained to a murderer for several days with no back up, when he had been trapped in the sewers with a rotting corpse, when he his lungs filled and he lay under blue lights fighting for each breath, Tony had faith that he would be there for him. Now he had no idea what Tony thought, it hurt to think that Tony was out there without any hope, without faith in him and it was solely his fault that he had destroyed that faith.

Ducky was right, he needed to get his head out of his ass, he knew in his heart that he’d already lost a part of Tony, the part that trusted him and he knew that it would not be long before the younger man walked away, from the team, from him. He was willing to fight to keep the younger man in his life, to regain his trust. It would not be easy and Ducky had so colorfully pointed it out, using language he rarely heard the Scottish M.E. use, “ _Jethro rule 6 is just ridiculous, when you are a dunderheed* and treat that Laddie* like shite*, you need to atone for your behavior and the best way to start is with an apology, do not give me that horse shite* that it is a sign of weakness, it takes more courage to admit you are wrong and ask for forgiveness then to act like you are always right and your shite* doesn’t stink_. _If you can not atone for your behavior then all is lost_ _and do not seek solace from me, for you shall find none.”_

The ringing in his pocket brought him back. “Gibbs.”

“Jethro, we got a call from Braden McHale,” Agent Fornell’s voice boomed through the speaker.

“When?”

“Five minutes ago, he wants to trade Tony and the girl for his brother.”

“Why is he calling you, this is an NCIS case.”

“We have Emmett, he’s being held in an FBI lock up. He has been charged with the murder and rape of Mary Rice, and he is being questioned on a number of other crimes, including several assaults of gay men in the DC area and a murder in Atlanta.”

“Did you talk to DiNozzo or Sarah?”

“No.”

“Did you push for proof of life, Tony’s injured.”

“What do you think I did Jethro,” Fornell said it as statement not a question. “He said he’ll send a photo in an hour.”

“Can you get Emmett down here?”

“Not happening Jethro, you know that, we’ll work this as a kidnapping, let him think we are negotiating but Emmett McHale will never be released.”

“I know Fornell, but having him here could give us leverage.”

“Jethro, you know the I’ll do everything to get your boy and that girl back, but releasing McHale is not in the cards.”

“Not my boy.”

“Sure, whatever you say. Look, I’m going to go back to DC, see if I can get Emmett to talk to me, get more info on places Braden could be hiding."

“Better keep me posted Fornell,” Gibbs said as he hung the phone up, not waiting for a response.

 

_*Scottish insults/swears, apolgize for miss use of word as I took them off the internet. Dunderheed – an idiot-fool, Laddie- boy, shite – poop_

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

**_Chapter Fifteen:_ **

 

Tony was miserable sitting in the dark; he had lost all sense of time. A chill had crept into the stall and he felt a familiar tightness in his chest, the old barn was dusty and full of all kinds of things that could trigger his asthma; an unpleasant gift left from the pneumonic plague. He dosed off several times, a testament to the fatigue he felt that even in this position he would nod-off. Each time his head dropped, the pressure on his neck woke him with a feeling of strangulation. He also heard scurrying sounds around him and several times felt something furry run over his body and other gift from the plague was a fear of rats. He really hoped it was just little field mice that had taken over the barn. He couldn’t let his phobia get the best of him.

Tony felt himself twitch as the stall door opened, a flash of light blinded him as McHale laughed and slammed the door shut again. Tony moaned, the bright light felt like a spike though his pounding head, his stomach did a flip and he fought to keep from vomiting.

**_NCISNCISNCISNCISNCIS_ **

Gibbs and Fornell looked at the pictures sent to them by Braden McHale. Fornell had delayed his trip back to DC when the photos arrived. Sarah was lying on the wood floor in room empty of any furnishings. Her arms were bound behind her with duck tape, her legs tied together at the ankles with rope. Her face was bruised with a swollen left eye and lip.

The photo of Tony made Gibbs want to scream. Tony appeared to be in a dark stall. The flash had illuminated, Tony seated in the middle of the stall, his good leg bound to his broken leg. His arms bound behind him and a rope encircling his upper chest. Were the rope was tied off, was not visible in the darkness. More disturbing was what looked like a leather dog collar around Tony’s neck. A lead with little slack was hooked to the collar and attached above Tony’s head.

Tony had dried blood on his face, his clothes looked dirty and torn and spotted with blood as if he had been dragged, which to Gibbs trained eye indicated that he had been. Tony’s eyes looked desperate; there was no sign of hope, no pled for help, just quiet despair and resignation. He was responsible for that and would find a way to make it up to Tony later but first, he had to find him.

Gibbs looked closely at the details of the room and stall. He noted the patterns of the wood flooring and what little could be seen in the darkness of the stall Tony was kept in. From the photo of Sarah, he studied the width of the painted floor planks, in the background a hole in the wall revealed wood lath with horsehair plaster, he figured the house as more than a hundred years old.

The barn gave him additional clues. With McGee working his magic on the image, he was able to get more detail on the construction of the stall, the wood dark and weathered. Tony appeared to be sitting on a dirt floor, even though many modern barns had wooden floors, if he had to guess he would say the barn was older than the house.

Braden McHale would be calling back in 30mins for an update, if they could not give him the answer he wanted, he promised one of his hostages would suffer. Fornell would try and stall, pleading that he need to get through all the red tape to make a deal. He hoped that Braden would take that as true with the reputation of the Federal government to bog down in paper work.

No one spoke as they searched files for that one break they needed, Tony and Sarah’s pictures now posted on the white board in the bullpen of the FBI Office, Gibbs and his team were working out of. Gibbs missed Tony more at moments like this as he was a, none liner thinker and often found the obscure detail they were looking for.

Ducky had tried to explain it to him once highlighting the differences in the way McGee and Tony processed information, McGee a linear thinker, he moved methodically from one piece of information to another, making him overlook things that did not fit neatly. Tony’s way looked chaotic and disorganized to those around him, easy to dismiss as a lucky guess but Gibbs had worked with him long enough to know it was not a fluke. When Tony sat back in his chair and seemed to be taking a nap or playing Tetris, his mind was in overdrive pulling in all kinds of abstract bits of data until it all made sense.

Looking at the clock it was almost time for McHale to call. Gibbs really hoped they would find Tony and Sara soon, he knew the longer they were held the poorer the outcome.

Fornell answered his phone and a trace was started on the call. To buy time Fornell first asked about the condition of the hostages, if they had been given food or water.

Braden just laughed, “fucking fags don’t need to eat or drink, besides it would just make them want to go to the bathroom and I’m not cleaning up after them.”

“Braden, your brother is being taken care of, he is getting regular meals, unlimited access to water and he can go whenever he needs to.”

“Yeah he can, with all those fag pigs watching, bet you get your rocks off.”

“Braden your brother is in jail, but his privacy is respected as much as possible, I know you want to help him and the best way to do that is to let the hostages go.”

“No, you bring me my brother, I want to talk to him now.”

“Braden you know that is not possible, your brother is still in Washington, I can try to arrange a call for you.”

“No, I want him here and you better get started on that now, you haven’t done anything yet, think you need a little more incentive. Maybe I should go fuck that bitch, show her what a real man is while I wait or maybe I should take that fag pig and show him what I do to his kind. Every time we talk if I don’t like what I hear, one of those two will pay. At this point I don’t care if I kill them.”

“Wait,” Fornell shouted into the phone, “Wait, you know it takes time.”

“Yeah, time for you to try and find me, if my brother isn’t on his way in an hour, I’m done and you’ll be lucky if you ever find the bodies, don’t think I’m going to sit here and let you find me.”

Fornell and Gibbs stared at the phone after McHale hung up. McHale had to know it was a long shot that his brother would be released and that reality was now sinking in and he was panicking. The experienced Agents knew that the clock had just run out.

**_NCISNCISNCISNCISNCIS._ **

Tony was ready to just give up, he was tired and maybe if he just threw himself to the side he would snap his own neck, but he couldn’t do that even if he could not take this much longer. Having lost all sense of time he didn’t know if he’d been here a day or three, the part of his brain that was still working figured it could not have been more then a day or day and half. McHale had not been given him any food or water. His stomach grumbled with hunger, his mouth and throat dry. His bladder had let go hours ago and he was way past being embarrassed.

The cold and tightness he felt earlier increased, his body was racked with chills and now he had a tight little cough and could hear a wheeze every time he exhaled. Experience told him, his asthma was kicking up. The chills indicated he had a fever and was probably developing bronchitis or worse.

He had no idea if anyone was looking for them, only Sully knew where they were going. Gibbs and Tim should be back from California, but Sully knew how hard it had been for him at NCIS for a while now, even if Sully became concerned Tony did not think he would go to Gibbs for help, if anyone, Sully might seek assistance from Tobias Fornell as the two were investigating the McHale brothers. Even if Sully did go to NCIS, he was not sure that Director Vance or Gibbs would drop everything to look for them. A long-time ago, he would have trusted Gibbs to have his back, trusted that Gibbs would search for him, not stopping until he was found, but those days were gone and his heart was filled with doubt.

The door to the stall slammed open and McHale came in with a lantern in one hand, dragging Sarah with the other and flinging her into a corner. Tony could see and feel the anger vibrating off the man and he knew that it was time, the end for them had come, he just hoped it would be quick but he had a feeling McHale would have fun making them suffer.   Bracing him self for what was to come, Tony opened his mouth to yell at the man but what came out was a cough that took his breath away.

Turning to look at him, McHale walked over, “Oh poor little faggy piggy is getting sick, don’t worry I’m going to have some fun, then it will be over for you.”

Going behind him Tony felt the rope around chest go slack and he had to keep himself from falling over and hanging himself, when the leash was released and the tension on his throat was gone, he did fall over, his face in the dirt.   With his mouth and nose filled, he started to cough, rolling to get his face out of the dirt, he was slammed back down as McHale stomped down on his back, using his greater size he grinded his shoes into Tony’s back, the coughing intensified as he drew in more dirt with each breath, feeling his feet, hands and nose tingle he knew he was hyperventilating and in danger of passing out. Still aware of what was happening Tony felt McHale grab him by the back of his shirt and pull him up. Held up by his shirt and upper arm, he was dragged out of the stall. McHale slamming the door shut with Sarah inside.

“Oh, the little piggy wet his pants,” McHale taunted, as the giant of a man squatted next to him. “I was watching a great old movie last week, you might know it Deliverance, there’s that scene where those old hillbillies make that guy squeal like a pig, you remember that scene don’t you.”

Tony just looked up from the ground where the man had dropped him without responding.

“Well, now I ain’t going to touch you, seeing as you peed all over yourself, but once I’m done with you I am going to show that girl what a real man is.”

“Leave her alone,” said Tony his voice barely a whisper. He could not fight back like this but he would do everything he could to keep McHale’s attention on him. It should be easy, he had years of practice deflecting Gibbs anger away from the team.

“Not like you can stop me little piggy,” he said as he stood and gave Tony a kick in his privates. “You know in some countries I could stone you to death but not here, here we have to put up with fags prancing around,” _kick_ , “hitting on anyone,” _kick,_ “fucking like rabbits,” _kick,_ “and spreading disease.” _Kick_ , “molesting our kids” _kick kick…_

Tony had no way of escaping each blow, he could not help the moans that escaped as McHale repeatedly kicked him, the well placed kicks to his groin brought him to the edge of passing out as his penis and balls felt as if fire.

At some point the kicking and ranting stopped and McHale leaned down and pulled him up. Tony face was bathed in the man’s foul breath. “Little Piggy, wish I had more time to play but its time to finish this. Don’t worry I’m not going to kill you fast. Want you to see what I do to that bitch while you are taking your last breath.”

Pulling a knife out of his pocket, McHale opened it and cut the ropes binding Tony’s arms behind him. Tony was pushed on his back and McHale kneeled on his chest, both his wrists were held tight in one big hand as McHale bound them together in front. With the big man on his chest Tony found it hard to draw a breath, reaching up McHale pulled a rope and hook down, attaching it to Tony’s bound arms. Tony was a city guy but he knew it was part of a pulley system used to bring items up to the loft. McHale stood and Tony was relieved to have the pressure off his chest but it did not last long as McHale walked over to a post undid a rope and started pulling. Tony felt his arms pulled over his head, then his body followed until he was standing on the balls of his feet with his hands over his head.

Tony’s face was gripped in the man’s strong hand and his cheeks squeezed together. “Little Piggy, you ever play with a piñata, like those spic Mexicans do. Hitting things with a stick is so much fun and you get to see all the insides fall out, You’re my little piñata now, gonna see how many hits it takes before you spill your guts.” Before letting go McHale spit into Tony’s mouth.

Tony felt himself gag as the man’s spit entered his mouth, not able to control his body he turned his head and vomited. McHale standing in front of him was covered, roaring with anger McHale punched Tony in the stomach the blow caused Tony to swing and the pull on his shoulder was excruciating, McHale did not stop as he continued to pummel Tony with his fists. Tony knew at least one shoulder had popped out of joint, his chest hurt and he could feel the grind of broken ribs with each breath and uncontrolled bout coughing. His eyes were so swollen he could no longer see and as his mouth filled with blood, he managed to spit it out along with a broken tooth.

The pain was worth it as it had kept McHale from going after Sarah at least for the moment. Tony knew he had only delayed the man. With each cough he worried that a broken rib would puncture a lung. He wanted to give up, to let the pain lead him into darkness. He was resigned and ready to face his own death, but that strong drive to protect others, would not let him let go, he was responsible for Sarah and deep inside he held on to a little hope that help would come or she would find a way to escape.

**_NCISNCISNCISNCIS_ **

Sarah sat in the dark stall, she could hear McHale taunting and beating Tony, she knew that Tony was drawing attention to himself to give her time, but she had no illusions about what was in store for her. She had found Mary’s body, had seen what those animals had done to the woman she loved and she had no doubt that she would suffer a similar end. Mary had fought hard and damn if she would just sit here and wait. McHale had not retied her legs when he threw her into the stall, getting up she walked around, feeling the walls for anything she could use to cut though the duck tape binding her arms, she figured it was a long shot as whoever had had kept horses here, would have pounded in any nails but there had to be something. Cringing with each grunt and moan she could hear, she leaned her head against the wall and let the tears flow.


	16. Chapter 16

**_Chapter Sixteen:_ **

 

Gibbs stood outside the entrance to the FBI building. Nothing! That’s what they had, nothing. Time was running out, might have already run out and they were just sitting here. He knew that was not fair as Agents and police officers from several states were focused on bringing Tony and Sarah home safely, but Gibbs had been in this business too long, he knew the odds were against them, slamming the ubiquitous coffee cup to the ground he pulled his arm back to punch the wall in frustration, a strong grip on his arm stopped him.

“Hurting yourself won’t help.”

Shrugging his arm away, Gibbs looked at concerned face of one of his few real friends.

“You never told him, did ya?” Tobias Fornell asked.

“No.”

“You’ve been a bastard to him all year, if that’s how you treat someone you love, hate to see how you treat someone you hate.”

“Not now Tobias.”

“Jethro, if you get the chance to make it up to him, you better not waste it.”

“Don’t plan on it.”

The two old friends stood on the sideway staring each other down.

“Boss, Boss,” McGee came running out of the building, “Got a call from Detective Fusco, we have a location. He cross checked some the files, found McHale had…”

“McGee, explain later, where is this place…Now McGee!”

“Yes, Boss, it’s a farm about 2 hours west of here, the FBI and State Police are getting their helicopters ready, a team from the State police team is working with the local police to set up a command center in Adamsville, it’s a small town about 5 miles from the farm.”

Without responding Gibbs and Fornell ran back into the building leaving McGee on the sidewalk.

  ** _NCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCIS_**

 

Leaning against the wall of the dark stall, Sarah lost what little control she had, her body shook uncontrollably with fear. She didn’t know what that monster was doing to Tony but what she could hear was horrendous. Listening, she heard McHale’s lumbering footsteps, bracing herself for what was to come, she held her breath, but the footsteps went the other way and she heard the exterior barn door slide open and close.

Her arms were still tied behind her and she wasn’t sure where the stall door was in the darkness, but she figured it had to be on this wall as the noise from the other room was loudest on this side. Walking backwards, she let her hands drag against the wall until she bumped into the latch. Slowly she pushed the door slightly open, the sight of Tony hanging by his arms, covered in blood made her want to throw up. Approaching the beaten man, she could see he was out of it. Turning in circles, she sobbed as she tried to figure out what to do.

“Sarah, Sarah.”

Hearing her name stopped her in her tracks, looking at Tony, she saw him lift his head up. Blood dripped out his mouth, his eyes so swollen she did not know how he had seen her. His torn shirt was covered in blood and vomit.

“Oh my God, Tony, Oh my God,” She cried out as she stumbled over to him.

“Sarah,… listen…” Tony found it hard to talk with his damaged lips and his voice sounded as if he had a mouth full of marbles, “you have to…. find a way…. out,” gasping for air he continued. “McHale will be… back soon.”

“Tony, I can’t leave you like this, I can’t.”

“No choice… can’t move… need you…to go,” sucking in another breath. “Now!”

Sarah just stood frozen in place by fear and deep concern.

“Listen, Sarah…you find help…find help.”

“I can’t leave you,” not caring what he was covered in, she leaned her head on his chest.

“Go Sarah…please…please go. Use door in back.” Tony tried to nod his head in the direction, ignoring the pain it caused. “Run please… Sarah go…please go…for me.” Tears running down his face.

Shedding her own tears, she conceded. “Ok, Tony, Ok, but I’m coming back.” Leaning in she kissed him gently on his bruised and swollen cheek.

“I know… now go.”

Tony wasn’t sure how long Sarah was gone before the barn door open and McHale walked in, having changed out of his vomit covered shirt.

“Little Piggy was very, very bad,” pulling Tony’s head back by a hand full of hair, with gritted teeth, “It’s over for you now little piggy.” Reaching behind him he pulled out a large knife, Tony felt the blade press against his Adams apple, so this is how he would go, it made sense, McHale had made this personal and he seemed to enjoy killing too much to use a gun, he wanted the kill to be with his own hands.

Tony felt the pressure of the knife and felt it slide across his skin. McHale started to laugh so hard he was snorting.

“Did I scare you little piggy, Ohhh, don’t worry I’ll be back soon to finish the job, just thought that bitch would like a front row seat.”

Tony watched with blurred vision as McHale opened that stall door and looked in, pivoting on one leg he stormed back to Tony and punched him hard in the gut.

“Where the hell is she you fag?”

Not able to respond as he forced air into his lungs with each breath, Tony watched as McHale opened the other stalls and tack room, pulling the knife out he approached Tony again.

“Doesn’t matter where she went, she left you didn’t she, even that dyke didn’t want a faggy pig around her. I don’t have time for this, guess it’s her lucky day, but not yours.”

It was over, as if in slow motion, Tony watched the knife, as McHale pulled his arm back and started to thrust forward, holding his breath he waited for the blade to plunge into his body.

**_NCISNCISNCISNCISNCIS_ **

 

Tony tried to twist around, jerking his body, but it was over, reflex took over and he drew in as deep a breath as he could and sucked in his stomach, it was really foolish as he could never make himself small enough to avoid the knife. Just as he felt the first bite of the knife, McHale was thrown back, blood spouting from wound in his upper chest and the sound of a weapon discharged in the empty space echoed in the abandoned barn. His noise filled with the acrid smell of gun power.

The barn suddenly exploded with activity, as people poured in from all entrances. Tony couldn’t see what was happening, it was all a blur of blue. Someone reached around his waist as he was lowered gently to the ground. Even with the gentleness of the hands that held him he could not hold back the groans, as there was not one inch of him that did not hurt and you did not need a stethoscope to hear the high pitched wheezing coming with each breath. He had been ready to die, knowing that Sarah was had gotten away. In his heart he had given up all hope that help would come.

A hand gripped his and he felt a soft touch on his cheek. “Tony, Tony, stay with me. Help is coming.”

The voice sounded familiar, so very familiar, but he was on the edge of darkness and could not identify it, for a moment he thought it could be him, but no, he could not be here, would not be here, the man hated him, hell he might even be happy if McHale had succeeded.

“Tony, look at me.” The voice called to him again.

Turning his head toward the voice, he found even up close, he couldn’t see clearly, his eyes so swollen. The voice was comforting and he really wanted to see whom it belonged to. Sarah, he needed to ask about Sarah, putting the words together was hard. He couldn’t get enough air through his swollen nose and mouth. “Sarah, Sarah?” He struggled to say.

The man with him seemed to understand. “We got her Tony, she’s safe.”

From the door, another familiar voice yelled out. “Gibbs, the EMTs are on their way and the medical helicopter just landed.”

“McGee, get them in here fast!”

“Will do Boss, how’s Tony.”

“Get them here now!” Gibbs yelled as McGee went back out and Gibbs could hear the wheels of the gurney on the gravel.

In his muddled brain Tony heard his name called. Rubbing his thumb over the palm, of the hand that held his, he felt the calluses, he knew would be there, forcing himself to open his eyes wider, he was finally able to make out the familiar shape of the man next to him, he did not need to see clearly to know the set of Gibbs body. “Gibbs,” he whispered. “You came.”

Gibbs looked back down at him. “I’m here Tony. I’m here.”

“Didn’t…you’d come…didn’t think… you cared.” Tony voice so quiet, Gibbs had to lean down to hear.

“I care Tony, I care.”

Tony had passed out as he said the words and even if he had heard, Gibbs wasn’t sure Tony would remember. The arrival of the EMT’s forced Gibbs to move out of the way.

Standing back Gibbs watched as the paramedics called out vitals, covered Tony’s damaged face with an oxygen mask and started an IV. Within minutes of their arrival, Tony was on a gurney, loaded in the Medi-Vac helicopter and on his way to the level one trauma center in Charlotte. Gibbs wanted to go with him but there was work to do here. Another set of EMT’s worked on McHale, but Gibbs well place bullet had torn through the man’s chest ripping open a major blood vessel. Gibbs knew it was a fatal wound but it would take a few more minutes for the EMT’s to stop their futile attempts at reviving the man and call out time of death.

Fornell came over and took his gun into evidence, as was practice in an Agent involved shooting.

“He’ll be fine Jethro, he’s one hell of a tough kid.”

“Not a kid, but he is tough.”

“Come on, we got it here. I have a Trooper set to take you to the hospital, go be with him Jethro, he needs you more there.”

Shaking his head in acknowledgement, Gibbs let Tobias guide him to the waiting vehicle.

“Tobias, where’s the girl, Tony was asking about her.”

“McGee and Bishop have her, told them to take her to the local hospital to get checked. She didn’t appear to be hurt too badly, said Tony kept the focus of McHale’s anger on him.”

“That would be Tony.”

“Anyway, we can do our interviews and get her statement in Charlotte.”

“Should I be upset that you ordered my Agents around?”

“You should be thanking me for letting you focus on the one person, who should be priority in all this.”

Reaching over, patting his friend’s shoulder, he got into the car. While he would never admitted it, it was nice having a friend like Tobias Fornell, he could always count on the man. They were old dogs in a sea of puppies.

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All medical treatment taken from internet, I am not a doctor so just used what I feels makes sense and works with story, also as a medical social worker from my own experience working in a hospital.
> 
> PACU = Post Anesthesia Care Unit. commonly referred to as the recovery room.

**_Chapter Seventeen_ **

 

Three hours after arriving at the Medical Center in Charlotte, Gibbs still had not seen Tony. After being evaluated in the trauma unit of the emergency room, Tony had gone into surgery. The Emergency room doctor had given him an update. On arrival to the ER, Tony had been alert enough to give his own consent for treatment and had given permission for them to update Gibbs. Tony had also asked that they contact his healthcare proxy, Jimmy Palmer. Gibbs had been taken back by this information, as he still thought he was Tony’s proxy, but then why would he be, after the way he had been treating him.

The doctor’s report was concise. They would get more information when Tony was out of surgery. Tony was running fever and his blood pressure had been dropping, concerned about internal bleeding from the blunt force trauma; Tony had been rushed into surgery. The surgery was expected take several hours more depending on what they found. Tony also had several broken ribs, a serious concussion: bruises and scrapes too numerous to list from being dragged, some already infected. Tony had suffered trauma to his genitals from being repeatedly kicked, for now they would monitor the inflammation but if the swelling increased a procedure to drain blood and fluid might be needed. In the worst-case scenario, they would have to remove one, if not both of Tony’s testicles. They had done a reduction of the luxation of his shoulder and in the next few days they would evaluate for further damage to the joint. While all of this was bad, the major concern for the doctors were Tony’s lungs, they had gotten records from Dr. Pitt who continued to follow Tony after his bout with the plague, there was inflammation and congestion in his airway, they had started him on IV antibiotics and he would need nebulizer treatments. Developing pneumonia was a real possibility if they could not get the infection under control. The longer he was in surgery the greater the risk.

For a former Marine sniper, Gibbs was not a patient man, especially when he had to sit in a hospital waiting room waiting for one of his own to get out of surgery. McGee had gone to get him a fresh coffee and Bishop was staying with Sarah at a hotel near the hospital. Sarah had been treated and released; she was given IV fluids for dehydration and a light meal. McHale had not bothered to give them food or water during their captivity. She was covered in bruises that would heal on their own. The tape that bound her wrists had irritated her skin and left open wounds when removed, those had been cleaned and covered. The team had done a collective sigh of relief when they confirmed she had not been raped, though she had been molested as her breasts had handprint shaped bruises from being groped too hard. Sarah was worried about Tony and wanted to be at the hospital with him but exhaustion won out. Bishop would bring her to the hospital when she woke up.

Leaning forward, Gibbs rubbed his face; Tony’s blood still stained the clothes he wore. McGee and the hospital staff had encouraged him to go to the hotel, wash up and take a nap but he was compelled to stay. Tony’s words haunted him, “ _Didn’t think…you’d come…didn’t think… you cared_ ”. The onus was now on him to fix this. He was no better than McHale, he might not have physically beat Tony but what he had done over the past year was give the younger man an emotional beating. In an effort to hide his own feelings, he had closed Tony out of life, interacting only when necessary to get the job done. He’d let fear, manifest into anger, anger directed at the cause of his fear and Tony stood in the bull’s-eye.

It hurt, that Tony thought he would not have his back, that Tony would think he did not care enough, to even come looking for him. Ducky and Fornell had warned him, had pushed him to correct his behavior, to speak to Tony before it was too late, but he had just entrenched himself deeper in his own fear. He could only hope, he had not done irreparable damage. That it was not too late to tell Tony the truth, to re-establish the trust, Tony once had in him. He had come close to losing Tony this time, if he didn’t get his head out of his ass and fix things, he would never get another chance.

Standing, he walked over to the large window, his reflection in the glass looked, old, haggard and tired. He could see why the McGee and the staff wanted him to change and go rest. Behind him McGee, looked on with concern.

“Tim, can you get me some clean clothes, I shouldn’t go into see Tony looking like this.”

“Boss, I have your go-bag here and the nurse showed me where you can shower and change in a staff room, it’s just around the corner.”

“Thanks Tim, can you wait here, get me if the doctors come.”

“No problem Boss, I’m not leaving Tony either.”

“He would probably rather have you there.”

“No Boss, you’re the one he needs,” looking down in a whisper he said. “Has always needed.”

“We’ll see,” Gibbs responded as he left the waiting room

Gibbs was back another hour sitting in the hard chairs and drinking a fresh cup of coffee when, Maria Sanchez, a young female doctor, dressed in surgical scrubs came out to speak to them.

“Family of Agent Anthony DiNozzo,” She called out as she entered the room.

Gibbs and McGee anxiously popped out of their chairs.

“I’m Agent Gibbs and this Agent McGee we’re here for Tony.”

Seeing the worry and fatigue etched into the two men’s faces, the doctor quickly introduced her self and led them into a nearby room where they could speak in private.

“As you are aware, Agent DiNozzo sustained a long list of injuries. He is stable and should recover in time. When he arrived here, his blood pressure was dropping, he was extremely dehydrated and his temp elevated to 102.3. We did exploratory abdominal surgery to repair a laceration on his spleen that was causing internal bleeding. No other bleeding was found, though there is extensive bruising to his abdominal muscles. Three of his ribs on the right side were fractured, normally we let them heal on there own but with Agent DiNozzo’s history of pneumonic plague and current signs of a lower respiratory infection.”  

Gibbs jumped in, “Lower respiratory infection, does he have pneumonia?”

“No, but he does have bronchitis, we don’t want it to get to pneumonia, so using a surgical procedure, the ribs were repaired with titanium plates. It will be very painful when he coughs but it greatly reduces the risk of a punctured lung and allows him to take deeper breaths. We also took time to clean the numerous scrapes on his back, buttocks and legs; some had grit and gravel embedded. The process of cleaning these wounds can be very painful, so it was easier on him to have done while he was still under.   We had a urologist, evaluate the injury to his groin. One of his testicles had a small tear, causing his scrotum to swell, the Urologist was able to surgically repair it and a small drainage tube has been left in the scrotum to drain blood and fluid. The possibility of surgical removal of one or both still remains if an infection sets in.”

“That can’t happen,” Gibbs interjected.

“It would only be a treatment of last resort, the Urologist is confident that it will not come to that, but we have to give you all the information including worst-case scenarios.   Agent DiNozzo has a number of other injuries, the concussion is severe but fortunately there is no sign of a bleeding into his brain. Did the doctor who spoke with you earlier mention an injury to his face?”

“I know he was hit hard, when we found him his eyes were pretty swollen. Are his eyes OK?”

“The blows to his face caused significant swelling, to his jaw and in particular around his eyes. The orbit of his right eye was fractured but should heal on its own. While not pretty to look at the eyes balls themselves were not damaged, beyond broken blood vessels, they will look very red for while and he will have limited vision until the swelling goes down but there should be no long term issues with his vision. The lower jaw is very bruised and he lost a tooth, it will be another day before he can eat, and initially he will only be able to handle soft foods. We recommend he follow up with his own dentist when he’s discharged to get it fix.”

Pausing for breath, she scanned the faces of the two men and continued. “Agent DiNozzo also sustained injuries to his shoulders, the dislocation of the left shoulder was reduced, but, the tendons and ligaments in both shoulders were strained, again these should heal on there own but it will be painful and restrict the full use of his arms for several weeks. He will need physical therapy and he may still need surgery at some point if the joint dislocates again. Agent DiNozzo also had some minor injuries to his wrists. The skin was pretty chewed up from the restraints. I expect he will be in the ICU about 24 hours. I understand you want him transferred to Bethesda for ongoing care.”

“Yes, his doctor is there.”

“We can arrange that but I would recommend not moving him for at least 2 or three days. If he continues to be stable and improving we can make those arrangements.”

“What about the cut on his neck?” Gibbs asked as he had seen the blood slowly oozing from the wound.

“The cut on his head and on his neck where both pretty superficial, there was no damage to the underlying structures in his throat.   The head wound took about 5 staples to close and the neck would was closed with steri-strips.”

“When can we see him?”

“He’s in the PACU now and will be there for the next couple of hours, then he’ll be moved to the pulmonary ICU, with his lungs, he’ll need constant monitoring. One of you should be able to see him briefly in the PACU; a nurse will come get you. You’ll be able to see him again once he is settled on the unit, he’ll still be pretty out of it, so don’t expect him to respond to you.”

“When will you know about his a… ahem?” Gibbs made a circling motion over his own groin. After years of silently desiring the man, he found it hard to talk about Tony’s privates without blushing.

“We should know fairly soon, the swelling should recede quickly and he is already on antibiotics that should cover any infection. We do expect Agent DiNozzo to make a full recovery. Do either of you have any more questions?”

Gibbs had one more question before he was ready to let the doctor leave. “His leg, the one that was broken before.”

“That surprisingly is in the best condition, the cast was filthy and had to be replaced but x-rays show the bones are knitting nicely. Crutches are now an issue with the damage done to his shoulders but the orthopedist thinks he can move to a walking boot by the time he will be ready to be released from the hospital.”

“How long will he have to stay?”

“My best guess is at least 7 to 10days, baring no complications but it’ll be two or three months before he is back to his baseline.” Standing the young doctor moved to the doorway. “He’s going to need a lot of support both physically and emotionally, I’m glad to see he has friends to help him. Should I expect any calls from family?”

“He just has his father, but it’s a complicated relationship, I won’t call him until Tony tells me too.”

“Guess that’s a story for another day, I’ll have someone come get you as soon as he’s ready for a visitor.”

 

**_NCISNCISNCISNCISNCIS_ **

 

Gibbs followed a nurse in to the PACU; the large room was busy as surgical patients were closely monitored as they woke from surgery. Patients on stretchers lined the wall, the occupants separated only by a thin curtain, the background noise of steady beeps was ignored but when alarms were triggered a flurry of activity would surround the patient.

Tony was directly in front of the nurse’s station. A hospital gown was draped over his upper body and a thin sheet covered him to the waist. Gibbs glanced at first at the monitor, reassured by even waves made by the steady beat of Tony’s heart. Tony’s eyes were so swollen it would be hard to tell if his eyes were opened or not, his face now the dark black of deep bruises. An oxygen mask covered his nose and mouth. Gibbs ignored the tubes going in and out, he glanced at Tony’s groin but a sheet covered the swollen scrotum and small drainage tube. Gibbs gently took Tony’s hand in his, someone had cleaned the dirt off and Gibbs was careful not to disturb the gauze that covered Tony’s wrists. Next to him the nurse discretely wrote down the number from monitor, allowing Gibbs the false sense of privacy that comes in a crowded room as everyone goes about their own business, tuning those around them out. Gibbs focus was only on his Agent, he did not hear the soft words of love coming from the curtain behind him or the retching sound as some woke vomiting from the anesthetic across the room. Gibbs knew at this very moment that what he wanted and what he wanted was this young man, with one ball or two, it didn’t matter, now he would just have to convince him. A soft tap on his shoulder, reminded him this was only a short visit, again to maintain the illusion of privacy the nurse spoke softly, letting him know that it would be a couple of more hours but he would be able to see Tony again once he was settled in the intensive care unit.

**_NICSNICSNCISNCIS_ **

Tony woke feeling like he was drowning, his chest felt tight and it hurt to breath. Trying not to panic, he sucked in short bursts of air. A beeping sound increased in speed, until he heard an alarm go off. Black dots floated in front of his eyes and he felt like he was going to pass out. A strong hand squeezed his. He had not realized someone else was there. Tony felt himself pull up into a sitting position, a few pats in the middle of back started him coughing, he felt something come up dribble down his chin, a cloth was held to his mouth and a young female voice encouraged him to spit out, each breath set off another round of coughing and more gunk came up. After several minutes his face was wiped. Breathing became easier, but his ribs were on fire and he still felt as if could not draw enough air into his lungs. Two sets of hands eased him back and the soft hands adjusted an oxygen mask on his face, the strong hand still held his.

“Tony, I’m going to talk to the doctor and the respiratory therapist will be in to give you a breathing treatment. Nice to have you awake.”

Tony figured that the soft hands belonged to the nurse but he still wasn’t sure who was holding his hand. Getting his eyes open was not as easy as it should have been they felt stuck together and after some effort all he was looking out of a narrow slit, turning toward the person holding his hand he looked into eyes so blue they made him want to dive in.

“Sarah…?” he tried to say but his voice squeaked, like he’d sucked helium.

“Tony, she’s with Bishop getting some sleep.”

Closing his eyes, Tony felt a wave of relief. “See…her.”

“I’ll bring her tomorrow, she really wants to see you too, but both of you need rest right now.”

“McHale?” Tony vaguely remembered something happening to the man but his memories were messed up.

“Dead.”

“You?”

“Ya, got there just in time.”

Tony was breathless even with the oxygen, he was sure if it was from his injuries or having this man standing so close, holding his hand.

“Why…you… here?” he was finally able to get out, speaking had cost him and he was the level of pain in his body was increasing, the feel of a concussion and broken ribs familiar, but his groin felt strange, he remembered McHale kicking the hell out him with some well placed kicks, to his balls and could not help wonder what the damage was, he was thankful his face was really bruised so Gibbs could not see him blush.

“I’m here because I care, I really care.”

Tony did not remember how he made it to the hospital, but he remembered that Gibbs had been at the barn when he was rescued. Not verbally responding as talking was just to damn hard and uncomfortable, he just looked at Gibbs and rolled his eyes.

“Tony, even with your eyes still all puffy, I get that you don’t believe me.”

“Why…would…I,” Tony managed to get out.

“Look, I know I’ve not given you any reason to believe me, but let’s wait to have this conversation when you can talk back.”

“You…talk?” Tony let out a chuckle that set him coughing.

Again Tony felt Gibbs strong arms, pull him upright, holding him until he stopped coughing and placing a cup of water to his lips while he sipped. Eased gently down on the bed, Tony was so exhausted from the short time awake he drifted off to sleep.

Tony woke up to the nurse and respiratory therapist setting up his breathing treatment. One of many things he hated about being in the hospital was waking to find people in the room, doing things to him while he was not aware, glancing around the room he was disappointed to see that Gibbs had left.

Noticing the look on her patients face, the young nurse said, “Hey Tony, Agent Gibbs said to tell you he had to go take care of a few things but that he would be back in about 2 hours.”

“Thanks,” was all Tony could say as he started to inhale the steamy medication from the nebulizer.

Tony was sleeping when Gibbs returned to the room about 4 hours later. Gibbs felt every second of his age. He had not had time to re-coop from the assignment in California, arriving back to Washington to find Vance had been an ass in suspending Tony, and having been forced to acknowledge his own bad behavior toward his Agent, forced to acknowledge his own feelings. As exhausted as he was, he would not leave. He was a man of few words and he knew that he could say more to Tony with his actions than his words.

He had not planned on being this long, but he had not left the hospital until Tony woken from surgery. He wanted the younger man to know he was not alone and he really wanted Tony to know that he was there. He had put his meeting with the FBI and State Police off as long as could but since he was the one who had shot McHale, he could not delay the meeting any longer. He also updated Director Vance, and was placed on administrative leave, as was standard operating procedure for an Agent involved shooting. He wasn’t concerned as it was a justified shooting, and he knew the other Agents and State Troopers would collaborate what happened. The time off actually worked in his favor, as he did not plan on going back to D.C. until Tony was for transferred, as he would accompany him.

Gibbs had also taken time to meet with Sarah Frasier, she was battered and bruised but relieved that Tony would be ok. She wanted to see Tony but Gibbs asked her to wait, she had only gotten a few hours sleep and still needed to give her statement. The trip to Mary’s grave outside of Americus, Georgia would have to wait. If Tony was up to it, he would have Sarah come to the hospital in the morning, then McGee and Bishop would be making the trip home with her so that she not have to drive alone. Gibbs knew that Tony would not want that. The young woman may not have been too badly hurt physically, but she had been severely traumatized. Gibbs knew Tony would want to see for himself how she was doing and he would want her taken care of. Making him self as comfortable as he could in the reclining chair Gibbs settled in to catch a few hours sleep. Even though there was much work to do, to regain the trust of the younger man, he was content for now just to watch over him as he slept.

 

 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thanksgiving to all of those who celebrate and for those that do not, I hope you have a wonderful day.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who is reading, left kudos and comments. 
> 
> My goal is to have this story completed by Christmas, I have a week off in Dec and hope to have some time to write.

**_Chapter Eighteen:_ **

 

The next morning McGee and Bishop accompanied a very tired Sarah to the waiting area of the ICU, as only two visitors were allowed in to see Tony at one time. Gibbs walked the young woman to Tony’s room.

Sarah gasped as she got her first look at her friend since their rescue. Even with the oxygen mask coving his nose and lower part of his face, she could see that his eyes were swollen and black. The parts of his face she could clearly see were different shades of black, green and yellow. IV lines ran from several sites on his arms through a pump and up to IV bags containing fluids and antibiotics, Sarah just ignored the tubing that came out from under the sheets to the collection bag, hooked on the side of the bed. She found the steady beeps of the heart monitor reassuring.

“Tony?” timidly calling out as she approached the side of his bed.

“Sarah, Sarah, you Ok?” Tony asked reaching out his hand.

Feeling his warm hand, Sarah's eyes well up, “Oh God, Tony, oh my God, I’m so sorry, he followed me when I was bringing in the food, I’m sorry,” the words just pouring out of her.

“Sarah, not your fault…no way of knowing…he was after us. Just so glad he didn’t… he didn’t.” Tony stumbled over the words, as he tried to comfort her.

“Me too Tony.” Sarah gasped, as she tightened the grip on his hand. “I think he was going to,” pausing as her lip quivered. “You kept pissing him off and distracting him.” No longer able to control her tears. “Thank you for that Tony, but I’m, I’m so sorry he hurt you.” Biting her lower lip, she struggled to regain control of her emotions.

For several moments the two friends just held hands, not wanting to let the other go as they tried to push away the haunting images of what McHale had done and could have done.

“Sarah…I’d take a hundred beatings… to keep you safe.” Tony wished he could complete a thought without getting winded. “Was worth it.” Attempting to smile through his injured lips and swollen jaw. “Can you stay?”

“Can I, Agent Gibbs?” Sarah asked as she looked at the man, standing statue still by the door.

“Sure Sarah.”

“Boss, can you…can you leave?”

Sarah did not miss the brief look of pain and surprise before Gibbs had schooled his expression. “Yeah, I need to check in with McGee and Bishop, I’ll be back in about an hour.”

“Thanks.”

Tony and Sarah sat silently until they were sure Gibbs was not standing outside the room listening. Tony had even signaled Sarah to check the hallway.

Once they were sure they were truly alone Sarah said, “So that was the famous Gibbs, he’s good looking I’ll give you that but not sure what else you see in him unless you like the silent, brooding type. Does he ever smile?”

“Not enough...anymore.”

“So, he wasn’t always like this?”

“Yes…No, used to smile more,” Tony wished it wasn’t so much work to speak and breath at the same time. “We a, worked… worked well together once.”

“I know, you’ve told me what it was like, but I still don’t understand why you put up with his abuse.”

Not responding, Tony just squeezed Sarah’s hand.

“I know Tony, love has no reason but you are a smart, kind, caring man and you deserve to be treated better, to be truly loved.”

“He came.”

“Yeah, yeah he did and he saved you and I’m so grateful to him for that. I think he really cares about you but is too scared to show it, but Tony, that doesn’t excuse his behavior, give him the right to emotionally abuse you, and don’t even get me started on those head slaps, not sure I can forgive him, but this isn’t about me.”

“So confused…don’t know… if he cares.”  
  
“I saw him when he rescued us, he was totally focused on you and just now when you asked him to leave, for a moment he had this look on his face, it was the same look I saw on Mary’s face when we had a fight and I said something hurtful. He masked it quickly but he really didn’t want to leave and I think, he knows he’s lost you.”

“He has lost me.”

“Maybe, but what do you want? You still love him?”

“Don’t know,” closing his eyes he nodded in responds to the second part of her question.

The sad, lost look on his face had Sarah wanting to find Gibbs and tell him where he could go, but she would keep her feelings under wraps and help her friend.

“Tony maybe its time you talked to him.”

“I don’t know…he look like…someone….that talks?” The cough that was building in his chest let loose and Sarah waited, handing him a tissue and water when he was done.

“Tony, you should rest what little voice you have.”

“S’Ok,” Tony said trying to reassure her, he was OK.

Sarah rested her head on his bed, neither wanting to let go, needing the physical contact they continued to hold hands.

Sarah was just beginning to think Tony had fallen asleep when he spoke. “I don’t even know… if he… would have any…interest.”

Sitting back up, their hands still joined. “I think you know, he may not talk about it, but he’s given you little hints over the years, that’s what you’ve picked up on.”

“Not in a long time.”

“No, maybe not, but doesn’t change things, you still need to talk to him.”

Tony nodded in agreement. “Sarah… what about… you?”

Understanding what Tony was asking, “Not sure, it’ll take time to get over this. I’ve never been so scared in my life, Tony. He was going to kill us and he hurt you so badly.” Taking a deep breath Sarah continued, “I wondered if that was what Mary felt, that fear, as that animal raped her.” Tears streamed down her face. “God Tony, was that what Mary’s last moments were like, was she glad when that monster strangled her, not wanting to live after they raped her.” Bending her head on the side of Tony’s bed she sobbed as he stroked her hair, tears flowing out of his swollen eyes. “I miss her Tony, I still miss her so much.”

Gibbs stood outside the room, he had heard the last part of the conversation, he listened as Sarah cried, he knew her pain, knew what it was like to lose the ones you loved, he’d lost his wife and his daughter. He could not comfort her or tell her how to move on, he never had. Now he had come close to losing the one other person he could truly love, he tried not to eavesdrop. He knew that if he stayed hidden behind his gruff exterior, it would not be at McHale’s hand that he lost Tony, but his own.

Leaning back against the wall, he waited, giving the two friends more time to comfort each other.

 

 


	19. Chapter 19

**_Chapter Nineteen_ **

Gibbs glanced at his watch. They had been back in Washington, D.C. for two days. DiNozzo was at Bethesda. McGee and Bishop had gotten Sarah safely home. Not wanting the young woman left alone, he had Bishop stay for a few days. Sarah’s family had not supported her relationship with Mary and over the years, Sarah’s close circle of friends had filled the gap. Sarah’s closest friend was on vacation but would return tomorrow. Bishop would make sure the young woman would get to her friends home where she planned on staying for a while.

Looking at his watch again, he was anxious to go visit Tony, now under the care of Dr. Brad Pitt. He was healing slowly, his lungs clearing. The swelling around his eyes had gone down but his face was still pretty colorful. The damage to his shoulders made it impossible to use crutches, so he was stuck being pushed around in a wheelchair. On the plus side, the damage done to his testicles was healing, the drainage tube removed. It would still be another few days before Tony would be ready for discharge, but going home alone was not an option, he would need someone to stay with him 24/7. Having discussed the situation with Ducky, he had decided to take time off and have the younger man stay at his house. Between Ducky, Palmer, Abby, Tim and Bishop he figured they could set up a schedule and have someone with Tony at all times. He had not spoken with Tony about this yet, but where else would he go, his father was off again chasing some rich widow, plus Tony had not called him and had forbade anyone else to contact the Senior DiNozzo, not that Gibbs thought the man would return, he had not come when Tony had the plague, why would he come now.

**_NCISNCISNCISNCISNCIS_ **

Sitting in the chair, Gibbs watched Tony sleep, his broken leg propped up. Tony looked peaceful, no longer attached to wires and tubes. A small whimper escaped the sleeping man’s lips. Gibbs stood and went to get the nurse, knowing what would happen if he didn’t. Tony’s sleep was not as peaceful as it appeared, nightmares plagued his dreams and Tony often woke screaming, sometimes calling out Sarah’s name but the hardest to take was when Tony would cry for his mother. He had walked in yesterday while Tony was in the midst of a nightmare, even with his leg in a cast he had curled up on his side, crying. His mumbled words hard to understand but he had clearly heard when Tony called out for his Mummy, asking her not to leave. Knowing Tony would be mortified if he knew Gibbs had been a witness to this. Hurrying out the room he quickly found the nurse and had her go in.

Getting a fresh cup of coffee, he returned about fifteen minutes later to find Tony sitting up, drinking some juice. Gibbs started the visit by updating Tony on the McHale case. Tony complained about having to stay in the hospital and wanted real food, with the abdominal surgery he was still on a restricted diet. Gibbs tried to ask Tony about his feelings, the emotional toll it had taken but he could not even bring himself to tell Tony he knew about the nightmares. Gibbs a man of few words did not know where to start and he was scared that he had wounded Tony too deeply, pushed him too far away for there to be an future for them.

Tony appreciated the visits but he was still hurt and angry, not ready to have the much needed conversation. He was feeling physically stronger, but still did not have the energy for a prolonged confrontation and he was nowhere near emotionally ready to deal with the aftermath if things went bad.

The time they spent together in Tony’s room was filled with an awkwardness that had never been part of their relationship before. Each man wanting to bring up the subject but fearing that the truth would drive the other away.

Gibbs decided that talking about Tony’s discharge from the hospital and where he would go to recover would be a safer subject.

“Tony, Brad said you should be out of here in a couple of days, since you’ll need help you are coming home with me, I’ve got it all set up.”

If Tony could have jumped out of bed he would have, glad he was not longer on a heart monitor, he raised the head of the bed until he was sitting upright. “I’m going where?”

“My house.”

“Who made that decision?”

“I did, you can’t go home alone. You need help.”

Now angry, Tony barked out, “That’s my call, not yours?”

“Look Tony, where else would you go?”

“Ha, where else would I go, is that what you think, that I have nobody.”

“No, but I want you at my house.”

“I’m not staying with you.”

“You can’t get out of here if you have no place to go.”

“Who said I have no place to go.”

“No one.”

“Broke rule 8.”*

“DiNozzo, I set it up, your coming with me.”

“Why, why do you want me to stay with you? You couldn’t even give me the time of day for God knows how long.”

Gibbs didn’t respond, just stood looking at Tony, this was not going as he had envisioned and he really did not want to explain himself now, wasn’t sure he could.

“I see Boss, you don’t have a reason,” Gibbs silence had given Tony a chance to jump to his own conclusions, “You can’t control everything Boss and I’m not staying with you!”

“So where the hell you gonna stay?” Gibbs said with more force then intended.

“Not your concern and maybe you could have talked to me before you started dictating.”

“Look that didn’t come out right. I really want you to stay with me, we need to talk and I thought the time together would help.”

“Yeah we do need to talk, but my staying with you isn’t going to help, not until we work things out between us.”

Gibbs knew he had lost the battle, he couldn’t drag Tony to his house, but he was still baffled about were Tony would go. Maybe he didn’t know his agent as well as he thought.

“So where you going?”

“Worked it out with Brad and the hospital case coordinator.”

“The what?”

“Discharge planner Boss, if you didn’t leave AMA* all the time you’d know.”

“Where you going?”

“To rehab.”

“What? A nursing home?”

“No, rehab. Need physical therapy on my shoulders and my leg, it’s all set up and I’m going in the morning.”

“What, you didn’t even talk to me about this.”

“Right, like you discussed the plan to move me into your house with me.”

“Tony, I thought it would give us time to talk.”

“I need time, time away from you, from NCIS, if we talked now it would be angry and hurtful. You have treated me like shit for a long time; you can’t fix that by walking in here and dictating what I’m going to do. That’s the problem; you don’t respect my decisions, you don’t trust me to know what I’m doing, what’s best for me. You come in here assuming, I have no place to go, that you can ease your guilt by taking me home but that’s not how it works Gibbs, not anymore.”

“I trust you, I trust you more than anyone else.”

“Then you need to act like you do. If you trust me, respect the plan I made, I need time and that means you stay away, don’t call or visit until I contact you.”

“Tony…”

“That’s the deal, I need to know that you can honor my wishes, I’ve let you control me for too long. Don’t you think I know others thought of me as your loyal Saint Bernard. I’ve lost too much of myself waiting for your attention, your praise, not anymore.”

“I was hard on you because I expected more from you.”

“Bullshit, you read people well, you knew that no matter how bad you treated me, how much you demeaned me with those head-slaps, undermined my position as Senior Field Agent with the team, I would not leave if you just threw me a bone once in a while. Maybe you were right, because the last few years you gave me very little. Hell you couldn’t even stand to be alone with me, now you think everything will be OK because you want it to be so. Well it won’t! I don’t know if it ever will, but I do care enough about you to try.”

Gibbs stood listening, Tony was right and he had no defense, but it was time to lay his cards on the table. “Tony, time for me to break rule 6, I am so sorry,” pulling the chair up next to the bed, he ran his hand through his hair. “Guess I lived up to the second B, I have been pushing you away, because I didn’t want you to know how I really feel. No the truth is, I didn’t want to acknowledge how I felt.”

“I get that, I do, but I don’t get the way you acted.”

“I was scared, how was I supposed to tell you, I’m attracted to you, have been for years.”

“I was scared too, I’ve wanted you for so long and thought I was just chasing a dream. Think we didn’t say anything for the same reason, we didn’t know how the other would react, except that you got mean Gibbs, really mean and I don’t know what to do with that.”

“I thought if I pushed you away, you would not see how I felt, I’ve had a few fuck buddies, but it was only sex with no strings, what I feel for you is so much more, don’t know what to do with it Tony, I’m not gay.”

“Well, if there was a scale of hetero to gay, I’d be closer to gay then hetero, but I don’t need to define myself, I love who I love, desire who I desire, Gibbs most people are pretty fluid with the right person, but society puts us in these little boxes.”

“So what happens now?”

“Now you leave, go home, let me sleep,” a yawn escaped. “Tomorrow I’m going to rehab and you are going to wait for me to call.”

“It’s a test.”

“Yes and if we are to give this, whatever this is, a try, I need to know that you respect and trust me enough to stand down when I ask.”

“You take all the time you need and when your ready, I’ll be here, done hiding.” Taking Tony’s hand, not wanting to cause Tony pain by bringing his hand up he leaned down and ran his lips over the hand he held as he whispered. “So sorry Tony, so sorry I hurt you.”

**_NICSNCISNCISNCIS_ **

Tony was glad to be walking on his own. He had been at the rehab center for 2 weeks, his cast now replaced by a walking boot, it threw his gait off but at least he was on his feet. His shoulders still gave him some trouble, Sebby had brought him sweats and button down shirts from his apartment, undershirts and t-shirts were out until he could lift his arm high enough to get them on and off.

A knock on the door interrupted his packing.

“Hey Tony, need some help?” Brad asked as he entered.

“Naw, almost done.”

“Glad to get out?”

“Yeah, but wish I still didn’t feel like an 80 yr old man.”

“Well compared to where you were when you got here, I’d say there is a definite improvement.”

"Well, at least I can scratch my own butt now.”

Chuckling, Brad responded, “There is that. So, have you called him?”

“No.”

“Why not, you asked him not to call you, has he?”

“No.”

“Is that all your going to say?”

“Yes.”

Picking up the pillow Brad swatted his friend, “You are making me crazy. Come on lets get you out of here, Emma will get the truth out of you.”

“Emma?” Tony said as he looked up at Brad.

“She’s waiting in the car Tony and I don’t think you can get way with those monosyllabic answers with her.”

Taking a deep sigh. “I just wish I knew what to do Brad.”

“Hey you still have time, it’ll be another two or three weeks before I’m going to clear you for desk duty and a little time at the beach house with Emma, mothering you, will get you back in shape.”

Tony let Brad grab his bag and followed behind limping awkwardly. Two or three weeks did not seem long enough to make decisions that would change the course of his life, ready or not he would face whatever came head on.

 

*Rule 8: never assume

*AMA: Against Medical Advice

 

 


End file.
